Becca's Fresh Fruit

Change

2011-10-05T13:32:00.007-04:00

Change

It sure is the season for it

isn't it?

You'd think that being a Navy wife

I'd embrace change.

And I have.

But I'm not talking about a change of scenery here.

I'm talking about the kind of change

that sneaks up on you.

The one you realized happened

while you were either looking the other way

or living in denial.

This isn't one of those posts that mourne the

inevitable growing up of children.

It's not about regret or trying to hang on to

something that is very surely slipping

through your fingers.

It's a post about change.

Something of which I thought

I had become an expert.

But I'm finding out that

maybe I'm not.

Change is running through my life

like a freight train lately.

And it doesn't even blow a warning horn!

It's the kind of change that

makes you realize that life as you know it

has morphed into something that

although you love and cherish,

you don't really recognize

and you hope that it

morphs into something easier

very, very soon.

I look into the eyes of my son

who will be 20 next month

and I see someone who

except for food and shelter

does not really need me.

But I hope he wants me.

Oh do I hope he wants me.

Right now though,

he neither wants or needs me

most of the time.

He is the main decision maker in his life now

and that scares the heck outa me.

He respects our rules, but really

he is on his own path.

No warning horn.

At almost 18 and soon to be 16,

Michael and Madison are right on Zach's heels.

In just 2 and a half years from now,

we will be the parents of 3 adults and a middle schooler.

Absolutely no warning horn.

At all.

It became evident to us this summer

that we were most assuredly

in the throws of change

when all of the sudden

we became a party of 3

instead of a party of 6.

The older kids were so busy with work,

summer trips with friends

and things that they wanted to do

and we were busy with our own summer

activities centered around

the outdoors with Brendell.

I wish I had known that the summer of 2010

was the last summer we'd spend

doing things that the teenagers

wanted to do with us.

Did you hear a warning horn?

Yeah, me either.

And so this change,

this thing that makes my kids second guess

my advice

and brush off my attempts at

deep conversation.

This thing that has them

saying a quick,

"bye Mom, I love you!"

on the way out to work

or play

This thing that has me watching tail lights

and waiting for headlights,

This thing that has me trying to remember

what being a teenager was like,

This thing that has awarded

them more responsibility

and more choices

This thing that keeps me up at night

hoping that they make good choices

This thing without a warning horn....

I don't like it very much.

Roses and Chicken Nuggets

2011-06-21T14:58:00.008-04:00

The impact that a father has on a girl's life

is no secret.

It cannot be over stated,

emphasized enough

or exagerated.

Every girl needs an excellent Dad!

This vital need is more evident today than ever.
With so many broken homes and absent fathers
a large percentage of our little girls are growing up with
scarred hearts.
For these girls,
the precious and fleeting years that should have
been filled with her daddy's
steadfast adoration and heroic protection
are instead filled with the agendas
of selfish adults
or with the confusion that
comes from having such a deep need and no real direction
as to how to fill it.
Our girls are struggling
to realize who they are.

Within the heart of every girl

no matter what her age,

is the desire to be

loved, needed, appreciated, wanted

and cherished.
This need was put within us by our heavenly Father

whose everlasting love can meet

those needs beyond our comprehension.

How we as little girls perceive our

earthy daddies
will mold the way we think of our heavenly Father.
Dads, this makes you just about

the single most influencial player in

our lives!!

For those of you Dads out there

rocking it out as

excellent Fathers,

Thank You!!!

You have no idea the impact you are making

not only on your daughter's life today,

but on all of the lives she will touch as she grows

and also the lives of your grandchildren as well.

Every gentle word,

every prayer you utter on her behalf,

everytime you decide to spend time with her

instead of on something trivial and temporary,

everytime you take a moment to encourage her

you are building a better future for

her and the woman she will become.

You cannot begin to imagine how your efforts today

will pay dividends in the future!

As a mom of two teenage boys,

I pray that the girls they chose to date

have strong, loving Fathers in their lives

to teach them what precious young ladies

they are and to build into them

the ability to confidently know who they are

and what they are worth.

For all of the girls out there who may not have

this kind of Father or none at all,

there is hope!

The same God who created you
is the one who put that need for love inside of you.

He longs to be that Father for you!

Psalm 68:5 says that He is the Father to the Fatherless

and a hero for all times!

Isn't that what we all want girls?

A hero for all times!

God calls us his children

dearly loved,

accepted,

united with the Lord

and one with him in spirit,

bought with a price,

set apart,

adopted as His child,

redeemed and forgiven,

His workmanship,

free from condemnation

and unable to be separated from His love!

Just ask Him and He will be there

never leaving or forsaking you!

He will fill that nagging need inside of you

that the enemy would wish you to fill

with temporary and distructive things.

For all of you girls with awesome Dads...

don't let another day go by without

letting them know how

thankful you are for their

positive influence in your lives!

An excellent father is a rare and beautiful thing!

Those doing it well

need to be honored.

For all of you Dads who haven't been so awesome lately,

it's not too late.

Plan a date night,

write a note,

give a hug

hold a conversation

say something positive and affirming

to your little lady

(or not so little one)
I bet you will see the spark of forgiveness

and delight begin to shine in her eyes!

Don't give up...

after all, you are

our hero
and heros fight for the love of their ladies!

*

(Thanks Chick-Fil-A for creating an enviornment

of affirmation for daughters and daddies everywhere

with your daddy daughter date nights!)

*

A hero on the pool deck....

2011-05-30T12:41:00.018-04:00

I met Brian and Rachael a few weeks ago

on a Caribbean cruise I took with my mom.

Before I even noticed Brian's leg,

I was struck by the obvious adoration between this couple.

Rachael just glowed in Brian’s presence

and seemed to have a protective nature about her.

Brian definitely looked like a man in love,

but there was also a certain sadness and hesitation about him.

They were both settled into sun chairs on the pool deck

when I first saw them.

A few minutes later when he moved his beach towel

I saw Brian’s leg.

It was a curious contraption of metal and sockets

with a brown sandal fixed to a plastic bare foot.

Mom and I happened to be sitting pool side

a few chairs from Brian’s when the cruise director announced

a "Mr. Sexy Legs" competition.

I had no sooner turned to my mom to tell her that I hoped Brian would enter

when I saw Rachael encouraging him to put his name on the list.

He kept shaking it off,

but mom and I supported Rachel with a “thumbs up”

and vigorous motioning for him to get up.

Reluctantly, Brian put his name on the list and got in line.

We watched several men strut their stuff down the deck.

Some were funny,

some were embarrassing,

but none of them had the impact that Brian did when he his walk began.

At well over six feet tall

I imagine that Brian probably wasn’t very graceful on two legs,

but as he made his way down the deck

with his newly learned gait,

he became more beautiful with each stride.

Almost everyone on the pool deck stood and cheered for him

and people were lined up against the upper deck railing

most of them with their hands in the air clapping for Brian!

At that moment

Brian was our friend,

our son,

our brother,

our husband.

He was every soldier who didn’t come home

and every soldier who was still there fighting.

We all wiped away tears

as he made his way over to where Rachael was sitting

and gave her a big kiss before getting back in line

to await the judge’s decision.

I spoke with Rachael as we were waiting

and she told me that Brian had lost his leg only seven months ago

and that he was still insecure about learning how to move around

in his prosthetic leg

which he got for Christmas.

This cruise was her way of celebrating how far he'd come

and to lift his spirits.

What we originally thought would be good for Brian,

turned out to be an amazing lesson for all of us watching.

We saw a hero whose bravery had remained strong

through the physical battlefield of Iraq

and through the emotional battlefield

of recovery.

His heroism inspired in us

a new appreciation for the price of freedom.

We shed tears as this American hero

took several steps toward healing himself,

but what we didn’t count on

was that with each step he took,

something in all of our hearts began to heal as well.

Many of us were brought face to face

with the silliness of our own insecurities

as we watched this soldier face his in a big way.

After what we saw on that day

how could any of us ever again say

that we can’t do something out of fear

or because of the risk of embarrassment?

Courage inspires courage.

Many men in the audience were veterans of past wars.

Their bodies bore the scars that told the stories

of the price of freedom in their own lives.

Grey headed wives stood beside these men,

their scars of worry were better concealed

but still as painful.

Like so many intangibles

the bond between people who have gone through similar tragedies

is as evident when they talk to each other

as it would be if they were tied together by a big unbreakable rope.

When you witness people with this kind of bond,

it is undeniable.

It is also essential to our emotional well- being

to relate to other people on the deep level of shared experiences.

Hearing “I’ve been there son”

from war veterans must have soothed a part of Brian

like nothing else could.

Brian received a metal that day for winning the "Mr. Sexy Leg" contest,

but his biggest gift was being embraced by an audience

whose appreciation was evident in their glistening eyes,

their standing ovations,

their hugs and handshakes.

In the middle of the Caribbean Sea

amidst steel drum bands

and umbrella drinks,

I watched a broken man be put back together

one "thank you" at a time

and I watched a hero

make better Americans of us all.

The change in Brian was immediately noticeable.

Over the next few days I rarely saw him alone.

He was always greeted with handshakes

and engaged in conversation.

That hesitancy that I had seen in him before

was replaced by a broad smile,

a head held high

and what looked like pride to me.

Later that week

on the very same pool deck that he had introduced himself

to a ship full of strangers,

Brian got down on one knee

and proposed to Rachael.

She said yes!

both sides of the coin....

2011-05-25T11:19:00.023-04:00

The first stop on our Caribbean cruise was San Juan, Puerto Rico.

I was so excited to visit my first island.

We found a great spot to watch us dock.

My first impression of San Juan

was that it was very congested and

kind of dirty. I could not believe how many cars

were packed onto one narrow street!

I did really like the colorful buildings though.

The balconys on many of them

reminded me alot of New Orleans.

It was dreadfully hot on the day we were there, even at 5:00 pm.

Mom and I walked the streets for a bit

and visited some local shops.

Because we docked on Mother's Day

which is a big day in Puerto Rico,

alot of the attractions were closed.

So after getting our fill of

what was accessible by foot,

we went back to the ship before dark

and enjoyed a party under the stars on the pool deck

that evening.

Stop #2 was a beach day!

We docked in St. Thomas which I thought was

stunningly beautiful!

The water was a gorgeous turquoise and

the beaches were almost as sugar white

as Pensacola's beaches are.

I would love to spend more time on this island.

I was surprised at the prices of the homes
there. Even the ones with fabulous views

were listed at around $600,000!

We took a tour with a guide who dropped us off at

a local beach. But first she drove like a maniac to the top of a mountain!

In St. Thomas they drive on the other side of the street

but they have American cars so their steering wheels

are in the same place as ours.

It would take some serious getting used to

if I had to drive there!

After the gorgeous views on the mountain,

we descended into a slummy looking neighborhood.

It definitely didn't look like a place tourists would go.

Our guide told us that the best beaches to visit were the local ones and

Coki beach was definitely local!

As soon as we rounded a corner,

we were relieved to see that

it was indeed a beautiful beach

and there were other cruisers there as well.

Mom and I ordered fruity rum drinks and

a fish dish that is common on the island.

I'm not sure wha thte fish was called,

but it was soooo good!

We snorkled and enjoyed the water at Coki beach.

They gave us a dog biscuit to break up under water

as we snorkled

so that we could see the fish close up.

On the surface, I didn't think we'd see much

because even though the water was pretty clear,

there didn't seem to be much fish action.

As soon as I went underwater though,

I was greeted by dozens of yellow and blue fish

who apparently loved dog biscuits!

Our third stop was Samana, Dominican Republic.

We were given a tour through typical neighborhoods

in Samana. Our guide kept telling us that we would see other people

from our boat on the tour.

The deeper we got into the back roads

the more he told us that.

We were beginning to think that he was

just telling us that to keep us calm

so they could eat us!

I was even starting to size the guide and driver up

to determine whether I or another tour mate could take them,

but alas, we saw lots of other cruisers

and our fears subsided.

Tourism is the only industry in Samana

and the people struggle for everything they get.

I saw the skinniest dogs I have ever seen there

and lots of children eating fruit off of the trees in their yards.

There were children everywhere

and all of them wanted gum or lolli pops

from us.

Mom brought a bag full to give away.

Local helpers assisted us across creeks

as we walked through the "jungle" to

see a waterfall.

The locals walk beside you the whole way

ready to assist you if you need help navigating the rocky part of the path.

They had hopes of getting a tip for their guidance.

I think my helper was in training

because I had a 13 year old boy hold my hand the entire way.

At the beginning a woman said something to him in spanish

and he grabbed my hand and didn't let go.

Mom and her helper Naomi walked in front of us

and Naomi often looked back and laughed at

my helper who was holding my hand even on long stretches

of flat ground.

I'm sure that woman told him, "Grab her hand and stay with her

so you can get a tip" or something like that!

I did tip my funny escort.

The shacks that the people of Samana live in

are in stark contrast to the beauty around them.

They live with so little which is such an eye-opener

to us Americans who have been blessed with so much.

I would love for my kids to experience something like this

and see first hand how other cultures live with so much less

than we do.

In St. Thomas, I felt like I was in shopping heaven

and I found so many things that I wanted to buy.

In Samana all I could think of was what I wanted to give.

Samana was my favorite port.

It was so meaningful to me to see both sides of the coin.

2 mommas and a cruise ship!

2011-05-17T09:47:00.017-04:00

For Mother's Day this year my mom and I went on a 9 day

cruise to the Caribbean!

It was so fun getting to spend so much time with her.

We stayed up late at night talking

and laughing like girlfriends do.

Being able to just relax and have a good time

was such a blessing for both of us.

Before we even hit our first island,

I knew that this was going to be

a week of fun.

On our second day at sea

mom decided to judge the

"Mr. Sexy Legs" competition for a reason I will

share in an upcoming story.

It was hilarious watching all of the guys

strut their stuff,

or whatever stuff they thought they had,

and it was even more hysterical watching

my mom's reaction!

She was having a great time

even though she was way out of her comfort zone!

She was responsible for picking
the most athletic legs winner
and had one of four votes to decide the overall winner.

The over all winner is part of a story I am going to tell
for Memorial Day,
so I won't spoil it by adding
any photos of him yet.

Now judging is one thing....
competing is a whole other ball game!
Before she knew it, mom was in a line up
for the "Best Biceps" women's competition!
Because she has been a judge, she and her fellow judges
were automatically entered into this contest.

I know when she woke up that morning.
the last thing she thought she would be doing
was dancing down the pool deck
in front of a cheering audience and four judges!

But she turned on that charm of hers
and did it anyway.
I am so proud of her!
(and I'm super happy
that I have the photos to prove this!)

Telling the stories of our cruise is far too involved for one post, so
I will break it up by island/day
and will post the photos and details all this week and next week.

Until then,
blue skies and umbrella drinks for everyone
and a little steel drum music too!

the avocado tree

2011-03-21T13:40:00.006-04:00

We were first introduced to avocados

during our time in southern California

almost 9 years ago.

There were rows and rows of them growing

in the orchards we would pass

when we were out in town.

They quickly became one of my favorite sandwhich toppings

and fresh guacamole was a staple at our house.

Since then, I've been buying them whenever

we have a mexican themed dinner

and to add to my turkey sandwhiches.

It wasn't until we moved here to

Maryland that we attempted

the classic avocado seed experiment.

Last Fall my mom and Brendell

rigged up an avocado seed with toothpicks

and placed it in a jar of water.

Within a few weeks we had sprouts.

Those sprouts got bigger and bigger

and before we knew it we had

big green leaves!

It has been fascinating to watch this thing grow!

It is almost twice as tall now as it was

in these photos and it sits

in the window above our sink

where we all comment from time to time

about how well it's doing.

But this little plant will never produce fruit.
Even if we put it in soil and take care of it properly.
If it does produce fruit, it will take 7 to 15 years
and it will not be the same kind of fruit produced
by it's parent plant
and that fruit will not be edible.

Strange that something that appears to be so vibrant
and so healthy and something that we have watched grow
from a seed
will never do what it was created to do.

But there is hope.

This plant can be grafted into a high producing
well established tree.

Grafting is the process of combining the root system

of a new plant with a branch from a hearty producing tree.

Grafting is the only means of achieving

edible avocados in plants grown from seeds

because plants that are grown from seeds

like our little experiment plant

are hybrids and their fruit

if they produce any at all

is inedible

unless merged with a producing tree.

It is almost impossible for me to hear

of this process and not think of the Bible passage found in

John 15:1-8.

Unless we are grafted into the True Vine,

we will not produce effective fruit.
No matter how much sunlight or water we get,

no matter how straight and strong our stem seems to be,

no matter how green our leaves,

no matter how many admirers are standing around

talking about how great we are,

no matter how far we've come from

that little seed.....

there will be no effective fruit without

the merging of ourselves with

the one who is our source!

So the next time I see an avocado,

just seconds before I think of

guacamole and orchards full of trees

loaded with green fruit that tastes

like a vegetable,

I will think of what a wonderful picture

that odd shaped fruit is

of my utter uselessness apart

from God who is the source of my life.....

and then I will pick a nice soft ripe one

and grab the tortillas chips!

Restoration Hardware

2011-01-25T10:22:00.004-05:00

{Res.tor.a.tion} .n.

The act of restoring; renewal, revivial or reestablishment.

The state or fact of being restored.

A return of something to it's former, original or normal condition.

Restitution of something taken away or lost.

Something that is restored as by renovating.

A putting back to a former position, dignity, ect.

Restoration.

I've been thinking alot about that word lately.

In fact it seems to be invading my thoughts

with such force, that I am having a hard time

thinking about much else.

Usually when this happens,

it means that it's time for me to pay attention

to the word or concept if I want to get any peace at all.

Otherwise, it will keep hounding me in my sleep

and in my fully conscious mind until I do.

Restoration.

The above definitions are glorious.

I was so pleased when I read them because

they open up for me such extraordinarily rich pictures

of what this word means.

When I think of the word restoration,

my mind immediately jumps to an old house

that we once called home.

The dilapidated New England farm house was built

high on a hill in Portsmouth, Rhode Island

in the 1890s.

A long time admirer of old houses full of stories,

I couldn't wait to move in and set up house

within her walls.

From the moment I laid eyes on her

I knew what she was supposed to be.

In her early years,

she must have sat magestically on that hill

overlooking the Narraganset Bay;

her windows reflecting the evening sun as it

dropped into the water after one last

glistening nod to the day.

But many years had gone by.

Battles had been fought on her grounds

and harsh weather weakend her foundations

and battered her frame.

Some improvements and updates

had been made through the years

but her glory days seemed a distant memory.

I loved her though.

I filled her porch full of flowers and

ran my fingers over the antique wooden banister that

lined her narrow stair case.

She was beautiful to me.

I polished her worn floors and hung pictures

on her scarred walls.

I knew that she was probably well beyond

what it would take in this economy to

bring her back to her former glory,

but I still saw it.

I overlooked her drafty windows and her

cracked driveway,

and I lived in her as if she were

the most magnificent mansion I had ever seen.

Someday, a restoration specialist

will see in her what I saw.

He will know exactly what to do.

He will knock down walls and strip wood.

He will tear down and build up.

She will be made new from the inside out.

He will skillfully pour into her exactly what she needs

and she will shine again.

What a beautiful concept restoration is!

I'm sure many of us can think of at least a dozen things in our

lives that are as battered and beaten

as my beloved New England house and

we know that without restoration,

they will crumble.

It could be our relationship with our husband or wife,

our kids, a parent or a friend, or maybe

it is that we need God to restore something in us,

our hope, our joy or our faith.

Maybe we've experienced some pain in our lives

and we have followed that pain down

destructive roads so far that we feel like

we can never be brought back to the beginning

and live as though we had made a different choice.

Restoration is a core need in all of our lives.

It is a need that only a skilled restoration specialist can fill.

Trying to do the job without one is like

slapping a coat of paint

on a peeling wall.

In all of our good intentioned trying,

we will never be able to successfully restore

anything without the necessary tools or hardware

that is needed to do the job right.

All our efforts amount to polished floors

and flowers on the porch

but only the healing hand of a specialist

can tear out the old and rebuild the new

in such a way that the former glory is restored

in grandiose splendor!

I know a restoration specialist if you are looking for one.

Even if you've already tried to rebuild yourself and things aren't going well,

He'll know exactly what to do.

He'll take your project in any condition.

Nothing is too far gone or too messed up for him.

He is a master renovator.

His address is 2 Cor 5:17-21

and Isaiah 43:18-19.

And best of all,

He's totally free!

The fine line at the end of our driveway.

2011-01-19T13:00:00.007-05:00

So we've had 7 year old attitude

up to our ears for the past

few weeks.

I'm not sure what has gotten into our

little princess, but she has

taken sass to the next level lately!

This morning we were waiting for the school bus

and the sass monster bit again.

Brendell's timing is impecable because

her bus was rumbling

down the street

just as the defiant words were

coming out of her mouth.

As the bus groaned to a stop and

the doors squeeked open,

I was still sizzling from

frustration and ok, I'll admit it, anger

at the little thing bounding up the school bus steps.

How dare she talk to me that way!

She knows better!

I bet other little girls don't sass their moms as

much as she sasses me!

What the heck am I doing wrong?!

Each thought seared through my brain

and sucked out my joy

and a good bit of my ability to reason

by the time she was seated.

I looked up at the window and saw

the familiar round cheeked smile

come across her face as she raised her hand to wave.

Stunned and seething I reluctantly put my hand in the air

but my smile was slow to appear.

She frowned and slowly took her hand down

only to bring it up again when I finally let my

smile swallow up my raw emotions

and waved more energetically.

All morning the shocked saddness in her eyes

when she didn't see me

joyfully bidding her goodbye as I usually do

haunted me and pricked at my heart.

I felt guilty because I hadn't wanted to smile back.

I hadn't wanted to wave.

I wanted to teach her a lesson and

stomp off and deny her

my acceptance.

Ug!

How selfish and immature of me!

What right did I have to deny my deviant child

the pleasure of my complete and utter delight

at who she is and the gift I have in her?

It is her actions that I do not accept,

not her as a person.

She would have gotten the opposite

message this morning

had I not pushed my anger down.

Today at the end of our driveway, I walked that fine line

between righteous admonition

and selfish manipulation

and for a few seconds I had my

foot firmly planted in ugly indignation.

I am so thankful that my creator
doesn't do that to me when
I sass Him.
He has never kept his affection from me.
His thoughts toward me are
always good.
He sees me as redeemed and clean.
He loves me wildly with a perfect
love that I don't deserve,
but it is so freely lavished on me
not because of who I am
but because of who He is!
I can't do anything to make Him love me less
and I can't do anything to make Him love me more.
He's always there waving enthusiastically
with a great big smile and a heart
full of love for me
no matter how I have behaved.
Oh how I want to portray that image
to my children!
I know that the disciplinary style of a parent
can greatly affect the child's view of God.
I don't want them to think that if they
do something wrong
that God withdrawls from them.
I want them to know that
no matter how many rules they break
or how many times they disobey,
I will always accept them for who they are
and I will not withhold my love and
affection for them.
This certainly doesn't mean that there are no consequences
for doing something wrong.
But it does mean that the way I see my kids
and what I think about them
in my heart
is not what is at stake
when they disobey.
They are loved totally and completely
by me and most importantly
by their creator
no matter how many times they
break the rules.
As for the sass monster?
I'm working on an extermination plan
as I type this!

Normal, everyday, routine.

2011-01-12T12:47:00.011-05:00

Happy New Year!!

For Christmas this year,

I did something for myself that I have

been wanting to do for a while now.

I made a book out of my blog.

I built it in blurb.com and it came out beautifully!

Because of page number restrictions,
I could only include from April 2008 until November 2010

(which strangely indicates that I am a bit wordy).

It begins on the day we left Rhode Island

and chronicles the travels, stories

and photos of our daily lives

from then until now.

Reading through it has brought me to tears and doubled me over with laughter many times. What I love the most is the many entries of nothing special.

Just the recounting of average days.

In recent months, I've been more drawn to writing inspiring or comical stories and anecdotes instead of just telling the happenings of an average day in our house.

I'm going to try to include more of our daily life this year.

When my kids are grown, I want my blog to usher in vivid memories of our family and the love, laughter and tears we shared over the years. Many years from now, I want them to catch a glimpse of us sitting in our living room on a regular day with homework being done, dinner being cooked, and the sights and sounds of our lives filling the air.

And to do that, I need to blend in more normal with the nostalgic, more everyday with the extraordinary and more routine with the refreshing. There will still be stories and my (obviously elaborate)thoughts on life, but they will be nestled in between a regular Tuesday and a regular Wednesday at the Cleary home.

Because of facebook (the blog killer) and my constant posting of life by status updates, there are several events missing in my blog so I feel like I need to fill in the past few months with a few highlights.

First of all, Michael had a very successful season playing for Old Mill High School. We loved watching him play and I especially enjoyed photographing every game and then getting multiple requests from sweaty, heavily padded boys after each game for photographs of them in action.

I started a new job this Fall.

I am a freelance journalist for Patch.com. I write a column called Mommy Made Easy for Broadneck Patch and a Military Monday column for Odenton Patch. I also contribute the photo of the week for Historic Annapolis Patch and then fill in for all three patches when they have events or stories that I can cover. Click here to read my articles.

I am enjoying it immensely!

I was able to get a press pass for some of Michael's games so that I could shoot right from the sideline.

Oh just ask my family, you couldn't touch me that day.

I had a PRESS PASS and I flashed it to everyone who looked my way!

Embarrassing but true.

We had a visit from my brother Jason and his girlfriend Jill in November.

It was such a pleasure to have them here and we can't wait for our next visit!

It was fun to revisit some of our favorite childhood places together.
Here Madison and Jason are standing on the pier of a marina that we spent alot of time at.
I did a recent post about Jason and I revisiting some of the tree forts we built as kids.

For Thanksgiving we had my brother Jeremy, his wife Ashley and their two boys Zane and Easton.
It was so fun to fill the house with the pitter patter of little feet again.

Like all visits with far away family, their's was too short
and we are already wanting to see them again.

Zach also came home for 10 days in November.
He is doing well, growing, learning and working hard in Washington.
It was so good to see him and hug his neck again.
It did my heart good to watch him interact with his brother
and sisters again.
We all miss him so much and
we hope to see him again very soon.

Michael tunred 17 in December and got his first car!
Unfortunately before we could get it titled in Florida,
he wrecked David's car,
so now he has to wait on tags until we get the deductible paid for repairs.
He'll be on the roads soon though.

We got a puppy this Summer!
His name is Journey and he is a blue merle australian shepherd.
We did alot of research on the right breed for us and our lifestyle
and an aussie fits us well.
We got him from a breeder in Pennsylvania and picked him from a litter of 16.
Having tried our hand at dog ownership and failed when the kids were younger,
we are happy to say that he has quickly become a part of the family.
He is so smart and funny and very well behaved for his age.

And to bring you up to the current date,
I took this photo this morning.
We got about 4 inches of snow last night
in our first official storm of the season.
The kids are thrilled!
I'm thankful that we live so close to the firehouse
so that our roads get salted and plowed
almost immediately
because I am a chicken on ice!
My cousin teased me about wanting to put chains
on my tires at the first snow flake....
He's not so far off from the truth.
So, there ya go...
you're caught up on the highlights.
See you soon for some
normal
everyday
routine.....
with a twist, I'm sure!

The right fit

2011-01-06T16:05:00.004-05:00

Sometimes you fit.

sometimes you don't.

When we first moved in,

my mom gave us her kitchen table and chairs

because she wanted a new one.

A few months later

she had her new set delivered

and it just didn't belong in her condo.
It was beautiful in the showroom,

but when she got it home,

it just didn't shine.

While we really appreciated the set she gave us,

it didn't look amazing in our kitchen either.

So we switched sets

and it was like the missing puzzle piece!

This table is made for my house!

It fits our decor perfectly and

compliments my style.

I absolutely love it!

Mom's table looks much better

in her condo too.

Sometimes you fit and sometimes you don't.

I've been in places, churches,

peer groups, jobs and clubs

where I just didn't quite fit.

I've taken on projects and

taught classes and worked in various ministries

and got involved in certain activities

where I just wasn't amazing or amazed.

What a difference there is when you

find what you were made for.

I've heard it said that you should find what you love

and do it.

We were all gifted for specific things

and you know it when you are doing what you

are made for.

My favorite illustration of this concept

involves a volkswagon bug and

a land rover.

Imagine that life is a bumpy road

with treacherous terrain.

When you are not doing what you

were made for

you are a volkswagon bug

navigating terribly over

the bumps and obstacles.

You are moving along,

but not very well.

You'll most likely wear out before

your time.

Now switch to a land rover and travel that

same road.

You were born for this.

You have all the necessary equipment

already installed!

You actually find joy in the bumps and

pot holes because you were

made to navigate them.

In my life

writing and photography

bring me a certain joy

that I just can't get anywhere else.

For my mom,

it is being a hair stylist.

For my brothers

it is working in the fishing industry.

What's yours?

Are you a volkswagon bug

or a land rover right now?

Find what you love and do it!

The Table Cloth

2010-12-09T11:24:00.011-05:00

Fifteen years ago, I put a taupe colored

twin sheet and a set of sharpies

on my Thanksgiving table.

At that time,

our family consisted of just our two boys

and the baby girl kicking around inside me.

My goal was to have everyone in attendance

sign the table cloth with just their name

and a sentiment of the holiday

and then repeat that process every year

until the cloth was full.

I had no idea what a cherished thing

this table cloth would become.

There are signatures on our table cloth

from people whose paths crossed ours,

people who shared a meal and a holiday with us,

people we love and remember with a smile,

people who were only in our lives for a season

and signed our table once

and people who are still present at most of

our holiday meals whose signatures can be seen

over and over again.

There are signatures from people who are

no longer with us on this earth,

leaving behind an outline of their hand

and a few words of kindness.

On the years when our holiday table only had

five or six chairs,

that table cloth reminded us

that we were connected to so many other people

who loved us

even from afar.

If one were to take the time
to read all of the messages on the table cloth
one would find words of longing
from years when David was deployed
and then joyous words written on holidays
when he had returned.

One would read well wishes sent to far flung family
and words of gratitude for
a full house of celebrators.

There are expressions of welcome
to new family members
and warm wishes from old friends.

That table cloth holds fifteen years of life,
love, family and friends.

Some of the words bring tears to my eyes.
There is an entry from Zachary
when he was about 9 years old
that says, "I love the Lord"
and there is a tiny outline of Madison's little baby hand.

There is a message from my dear friend Trudy
that was written a lifetime ago
about the pain of being separated,
but the joy of memories held close to our hearts.

Some entries make me smile
like the year we signed our name
making it known that we were
the first place winners of the neighborhood
Christmas decorating contest
and the many signatures of kids that we love so much
who are now grown up
with little ones of their own.

This table cloth is more than a tradition for me.
It is evidence of a life of togetherness
and being connected
no matter where we were in the country.
Evidence that time flies and
we cannot hold any one thing forever.
Evidence that change is inevitable and is much easier when
gratefully accepted.
Evidence that all things really do work out for good
and that too much time is wasted on fear and doubt.
Evidence of family in the form of friends who we
shared our lives with over the years
and evidence of friends in the form of family
with whom we share a heritage.
It is a reminder that we were never alone
even when we felt like we were.
A reminder that we have led and are leading
full lives,
and that what matters most in this life
is opening yourself up
to others and fully embracing them
while you have them.
Whether they sign your table cloth or
leave love notes on your heart,
the friends and family
that God places in each of our lives are
precious, precious gifts!

Shockingly fun

2010-12-07T08:06:00.021-05:00

My family is so over my photographs.

They really are.

I can see the "OK now I've got to act interested in catchlights

and composition" look when I ask them

to come and see a client session

that I've just edited.

They just don't get it.

They don't speak my language.

But I really can understand this because

I don't speak my husband's or son's language

when it comes to football either.

I do love the sport and I enjoy

watching key games and cheering as loudly

as the next person,

but to spend two or three whole months of

Saturdays on the couch watching

game after game after game

while so many other things are going on

around town

or being stuck to the phone updates

when you are dragged out of the house.....

well, that's just not my language.

Madison is emersed in her own photography,

so unless she is telling me that I need

to up the contrast on one of my photos,

she'd rather spend her free time pouring over the

1.5 million photographs that she has of herself and her friends.

I get that too.

She's 14 and her own little world

is all there is right now.

What I don't get though is

how shocked my own family members are

that my photo sessions are actually fun events

to participate in.

They've seen my smile upon returning home from a shoot.

They've heard me tell stories of funny things that happened.

They've even acted like they've heard me when they ask,

"How was the shoot mom?" and

I answer back, "It was soooo fun!"

For Thanksgiving this year,

we had my brother and his family in town.

Jeremy and Ashley have the only other grandchildren

on my side of the family,

so I could not pass up the opportunity

to do a shoot while everyone was together.

Trying to get everyone excited,

I pushed the shoot for a week before the event.

It had to take place on Thanksgiving afternoon

because of flight schedules,

so I heard alot about how stressful it was gonna be

right smack in the middle of cooking chaos,

but I insisted that this shoot MUST happen.

I told them that the resulting images from a shoot like this

would be well worth any stress that they anticipate happening.

We put the turkey and everything else in a holding pattern

and off we went.

It seemed fitting that we were doing the shoot

at an abandoned mental hospital.

Upon arrival,

I arranged everyone for the group shots and

snapped away.

Before long everyone was laughing and joking

and having the best time.

I was able to get some excellent shots of my mom and all

of her grandchildren gathered around her.

These are memories that she will cherish for many years to come.

I took a few of Ashley, Jeremy, Zane and Easton too.

I was even able to hand the camera to Jeremy and

let him take a few of our family with me in them.

Upon leaving, my boys kept saying

over and over again how much fun they had.

They sounded surprised that this was not a torturous event.

My husband even told me that he had more fun than he expected.

My mom was thrilled with the shoot and had a good time as well.

I don't know what they thought

my shoots were like

or why most of them thought that this would be a stressful

frustrating afternoon,

but I'm glad they were able to experience

a laid back, natural, fun session with me.

So now they know what I do

and why I love it so much....

even if I still can't get them to sit down

and let me show them a client session

without seeing them roll their eyes

or heaving a big sigh of dread.

Here are some highlights

from our {apparently} shockingly fun family session:

My mom and all her grandkids!

My grandmother and
all of the great grandkids from her daughter Joyce's kids.
My cousin Leah has the other two greats.

My favorite from the shoot...

Ashley and Jeremy.

My three men all together!

Our oldest three.

My favorite of our kids.
This is such a precious photograph

to me because Zach lives in Seattle

and I can't see this everyday in real life.

The family shot!

Another good one of the six of us.

And finally one of David and I.

I've got lots of ordering to do from this shoot!

Beyond the images,

the memories of the time we spent together

as a family laughing and having fun

will be held close to my heart

for a long, long time.

Yesterday's green

2010-11-17T12:06:00.007-05:00

Last night the wind blew a

great deal of the remaining leaves from the trees

surrounding our house.

Our yard is inches deep

in yesterday's green.

Soon we will use our leaf blower
to gather them up in piles
and send them whirling down the revine.
Gone.
Discarded.
Forgotten.
If we leave them laying on the ground,
they will rot and our grass will die.

This process is vital to new growth.
In order for new tender green buds to appear
with the warming sun,
the old must be stripped away.
Dead and falling to the ground below,
the old leaf is serving it's
final purpose in the circle of life.

Sometimes I am the wind
blowing strong against the things
that need to fall.
Assisting in the emergence of newness.

Sometimes I am the tree,
being tossed and beaten
until the dead things fall away.
Until I am prepared for
bearing new fruit.

A time or two I have been the leaf,
my influence being pulled from
another for a greater purpose.

I've also been the leaf blower
encouraging another to disguard the dead and rotting
in order to preserve new life.

All four bring a degree of discomfort.
Being a relentless catalyst for change,
being stripped of yesterday's success,
being necessarily removed
for the greater good
or holding the wind steady
long enough for the ground to be free
are all uncomfortable places to be.
All require focused effort,
and all of them are necessary
for new growth.
Each an important process in achieving the next
crop of fruit.
Through pain comes life for
there is no Spring without a Fall.

Rev. 21:5
"Behold, I am making all things new!"

The Trappings of Childhood.....

2010-11-10T09:01:00.012-05:00

Most trees don't have names beyond Elm

or Dogwood or Pine.

But ours does.

Most trees don't hold within their branches

the echo of laughter

and the enchantment of childhood,

but ours does.

Most trees aren't marked by

carefully carved proclaimations

of generations of love.

But ours is.

The "Love Tree" isn't just any other tree.

It's ours.

She still stands in an untouched lot with houses built all around her.

She is a symbol that we were there.

That we ran through those woods,

our pigtails trailing behind us

our arms outstretched in the wind.

She still stands

and we still remember

the innocence and wonderment

of our childhood.

Across the woods stands another grouping of trees.

These held no inscriptions of love,

but were the support for our tree house.

My brother Jason and I

spent countless hours hammering nails

into wood and constructing our

magnificent two story tree house.

Our cousins Leah, Scott and Carrie

can also stake a claim here as

they are responsible for more than one nail

in those wooden planks

and more than a million

romps through those woods.

The rope from our swing still

hangs from branches that have grown taller

just as we have.

What a treat it was to retrace the paths of the past

with my brother leading the way.

Rediscovery is one of the best parts of leaving things behind.

Reliving joyful moments is a priceless gift.

As we left Wilson's woods that day

I could almost hear the ferns and ivy calling out to us,

because they were once filled with magic.

"Come back! Be carefree

and get lost in your imagination again!"

I wonder,

how can one stand growing up and leaving

the delight of childhood behind?

The answer is simple:

Embrace the stories of days gone by

and find the best moments to tuck away in your heart

so that you can retell them to your

children and watch their eyes fill with the same

fascination that once captivated you.

In this way,

you will never really grow up

not in your heart.

In the words of Captain Hook:

"Growing up is such barbarous business,

full of inconvenience....

and pimples!"

First tree to the right and straight on til morning!

I have IAN disorder.

2010-10-21T08:27:00.025-04:00

I have Internally Audible Narrative disorder.

I really do.

I don't know if I should be alarmed or not

but that's just the way I think.

No matter what the situation,

I'm thinking in a narrative 90% of the time.

Take for instance a potentially

emotional event like

the first day of school for your last child.

This is what plays in my head

as I walk Bren to class the first day,

"Her little heart pounds as she enters the classroom

for the first time.

she has been the new girl so often in her

young life,

but she never gets used to it.

She is thankful that her mom is with her

and gives her hand a squeeze.

As the goodbye nears, her grip gets tighter,

but she fights back

the tears welling up in her

big green eyes and

puts on a brave face.

One quick embrace and she's on her own."

If I try hard enough,

I can even hear the music

playing in the background

begging every last drop of emotion out of the scene!

See?

Is that normal?

It's like I'm living in the moment,

(really, I am!)

but I'm preparing to retell it on demand

in a way that puts people right in my shoes.

It's sorta like a tool for me to grab

a hold of every emotion happening

in and around me

and organize them into a flow of words

so that I won't forget it.

Should I seek help?

Wait there's more....

I also think this way about important

or meaningful future events.

I will anticipate it in story form.

Like right now,

I am anticipating the arrival of

my oldest son

who will be here for 10 days in November.

I will admit to this narrative,

"Her fingers moved over the plates

as she pulled them out of the drawer.

Six again.

Always six.

She still hadn't gotten used to

just pulling out five.

But soon six will be the right number again.

For a little while anyway."

Now

before you campaign to have me admitted

to the funny-farm,

let me further explain......

It's not like a detached male voice

like the movie trailer voice over guy

and it's not like everytime I go grocery shopping

I'm hearing,

"List in hand, she walks into the store

headed straight for the frozen food section

to gather meat for her starving family!"

It's not that bad yet.

Please tell me I am not the weirdest person you know.

Perhaps I am subconsciously preparing

to write an award winning epic novel.

Perhaps I drink too much caffeine.

It could be that I've dyed my hair one too many times

or that I need more fiber in my diet.

Whatever the cause,

I think this abnormality

may actually help me

in the things I do.

Take photography for example.

When I drive by a wall with peeling paint,

an old weathered barn,

abandoned buildings with vines growing on the walls,

brightly colored doors,

unique staircases

or quaint side streets,

This is what happens to my soul...

well, first I squeal and almost

drive off the road,

but then

I automatically place a person there

whether it be

a bride with a flowing vail,

a family,

a little girl in a tu-tu

or even a tiny newborn

and I create a photo in my mind

that tells the story of the scene that

has distracted me enough to risk fatal injury.

I don't necessarily hear a narrative,

ok well, sometimes I do,

but it's more like the components of a

story yet to be told.

I may never actually get to shoot the

photograph that my mind insist must happen

because the location could be inaccessible

(without colossal effort)

and I don't currently know any brides

plus I doubt anyone would let me

put their tiny little newborn on a dirty

brick and weathered wood window sill

of a mental hospital.

But whether it happens or not

doesn't matter.

The fact is that the scene haunts me

everytime I pass the spot

and is very possibly responsible for fueling my

photo session location choices

and shooting style.

I love to put newness next to broken down,

clean next to dirty

and softness next to hardness.

I think that creating that contrast makes the

most interesting story.

During my sessions,

I find that I am trying to create that

contrast as often as I can

without risking bodily injury

of course.

Here are a few examples

from my most recent sessions

and how "IAN"

transfers to my

photo vision.

This one was just way too easy!

This turquoise grocery cart was sitting off to the side of this wall

just waiting to be filled with little girls

in petticoats!

Score!

This was my clients idea,

but fits in very well with my style.

Pink bare feet with rolled up jeans

on hard concrete steps,

yup...right up my alley!

Brightly colored doors....I just had to shoot here!

More colored doors
with an urban feel.

Another cool door,
a little gothic looking.
A ruffled little girl and a kiss
was the perfect way to go.

As soon as I saw this rusted metal wall
I knew exactly what I was gonna do with it
and it turned out to be one of my favorite shots of the shoot.
Thanks IAN!

It took a few shots to get the "mood" I wanted
for this couple,
but I got it.
When I shoot couples,
I try to create an emotion with the photo.
Sometimes I want it to be smoldering
and sexy,
other times I'm just after fun!
I want the photos to tell the story of them.
(without disembodied voices)

I've always wanted to do a "cafe shot"
and alas, we happened upon a table and chairs.

What else could you do with a brick
alley way
except maybe put a newborn in a basket
right in the middle of it?

(DUH!)

There's the old wall with the vine growing
on it. More couple love stories!

This staircase
was made for these two!
There's a whole story in my mind
about the boy in the blue shoes
and his ruffly little sister.

I have driven past this old staircase
several times since we've lived here
and I always saw two little girls on it.
Just my luck that
I had two little clients with me
when shooting at this location.

The rusted out wall again.
It's the perfect compliment to her
sweetness.

Who can resist
the giggles of little kids?
Place it up against a weathered trailor
and it's magic to me.

This is one of my new favorite locations.
It is an old abandoned store with the
most fabulous peeling blue paint.
It makes my pink rug pop
and showcases another giggly girl
perfectly.

*
I know this isn't rocket science
and I'm not the most creative person alive,
although I might just be the craziest,
but I just thought you might
enjoy a little peek into what goes on
inside my brain when
I pick my locations and backgrounds.
And as for that little abnormality I have?
I'm just going to embrace IAN
and call it what it is...
voices inside my head!

*

The Walmart Oath

2010-09-29T10:51:00.011-04:00

When I was pregnant with my first child,

I would carefully observe other moms

in a store like Walmart or Target.

These moms probably were pretty at some point.

They might have had light in their eyes

a few months ago,

But now their eyes were glazed over

and their faces were twisted into

an expression that can only be described as

a mix of an anger, frustration

confusion and sleep exhaustion.

The one thing these moms all had in common

was a little person or two

or three in tow.

These little people had long since outgrown

the glory days of their bassinets and booties

and now doned light up tennis shoes

and the beginnings of one or two adult teeth.

They were curious two year olds, demanding four year olds

and often know it all seven year olds.

The tiredest of moms had a combination of all three

with her at one time.

I'd see these women,

but I didn't really seeeeee them.

I would pat my belly and smile

thinking I was way smarter than they were

and that I would never be dragging a screaming child

whose legs had turned to jello

down the frozen food aisle.

Never would my little cherub go into public

wearing pajamas, or a costume of any sort, or mismatched socks.

They'd never pull down displays,

scream for candy at the top of their lungs

or stick their tongues out at little old ladies

who came up to pinch their cheeks.

Nope!

My parenting skills would combat all of this.

After all I had read dozens of books

and had done my research on

how to raise delightful children.

It didn't take long for my bubble to burst.

I actually held it together pretty well with the

first little guy.

Except for a few knock down drag outs over

what fast food restaurant

we would go to

I'd say we had a pretty smooth first 20 months or so.

The addition of my second son brought

a little bit more of a challenge

because now I was out numbered.

During my days of wrangling my two little lion cubs,

we only had a few near unconscious grocery cart plunges,

about a million toy aisle freak outs,

some candy aisle fit throwing

and one or two display topples.

And I had read books!

Imagine how bad it would have been

had I not been well read!

Enter Princess number one.

She was such a good little baby,

and by "good" I mean

that I could bring her into the house in her carseat

and set her on the floor in the foyer

and she would not utter a peep until I had unloaded and put away

4.8 million bags of groceries.

That's good in my book!

But with the addition of baby number three

came the twisted face.

Inevitably, I was that mom in the store

with her hair thrown up in a ponytail

wearing a t-shirt and jeans,

chasing after three very mobile kids

and saying the same few phrases over and over.

"Don't touch that!"

"Get over here right now!"

"Don't throw that apple!"

"Stop pulling your sister's hair!"

"You are not gonna get a prize

if you don't staighten up!"

That last one works everytime I might add.

Well, if you say it 14 times in each aisle,

they will straighten up as soon as you buy the prize.

Somewhere along the line,

I stopped trying to be the perfect mother

with the most well behaved children

and just started enjoying them,

praying ALOT

and having a sense of humor.

When we were free of most of the antics

of my first three,

my husband and I decided that it would be

"fun"

to have one single baby on the tail end

of our reproductive years

(and by "end" I mean early 30's).

Just one little bundle to shower with love

and attention while the other three began to develope

interests of their own apart from mom and dad.

Enter Brendell.

You'd think,

being the veteran mom that I am,

that I would have shed my delusions over

how my child would be.

I imagined a little tu-tu clad princess

with golden ringletts

who was loved and adored by her older siblings.

Yeah, that lasted for approximately 21.5 months

and then her will kicked in!

Suddenly I found myself

"that mom" in the supermarket again.

Only this time,

I wasn't as spry as I had been in my twenties

and it only took one little tyrant

to twist my face up!

It took me a few years,

okay 7 years and a couple months,

but I suddenly was hit with a stroke of genius.

I developed

"The Walmart Oath".

Any store can be substituted,

because we all know that children are not

descretionary when it comes to where

they decide to throw a fit,

but Walmart seemed relateable to most moms.

Here is my sweet Princess Brendell Faith.

Darling isn't she?

But if I am not careful,

this.......

can turn into this....

which very quickly spirals down

to this.......

So to avoid public displays of

seven year old drama,

I have employed

"The Walmart Oath"

which Brendell must recite once

before we leave the house on any

shopping excursion

and twice if she's tired.

"I, Brendell Faith Cleary
do promise, promise, promise
to behave like a lady in the store.
I will not throw a fit, cross my arms,
stomp my foot,
give the stink eye,
stick out my tongue,
ask for something more than once,
roll my eyes,
annoy my siblings,
walk off in a huff,
cry, complain, whine,
sulk or pout.
I will walk beside my mom
and happily help her when she asks me to.
So help me
Hannah Montanna, Taylor Swift
and iCarly.
(God just seemed too sacred to use
in jest)

Sometimes it works
sometimes it doesn't.

The end.

rib searching

2010-09-28T09:45:00.005-04:00

This kid is such a nut!

From the time he could talk,

he has brought so much laughter into our lives.

His comedic timing is dead on

and his humor is universal.

He's just naturally funny without

even having to try.

I was recently reminded of this when we stumbled upon

an old family website that I had built.

I hadn't posted to it since

Brendell was an infant,

but it's still there.

I have to share this story from 2001.

"The other night at dinner, one of the kids asked me how God made people.

I explained how God made Adam out of dust and then Eve from Adam's rib.

David also told them that boys have one less rib than girls.

I added that when the boys get married, it is like finding their other rib.

We told them that God had a perfect match out there for each of them

and that they would someday belong to someone just like David and I

belong to eachother.

Michael was very curious and asked, "Mom, who do I belong to?"

I told him that none of us knew right now who that girl would be but that

we would pray for her whenever we thought of it.

The next night at bedtime prayer I heard Michael say his usual

"Thank you God for everything you have done for me....."

but he ended it differently this time.

He said, "And take care of that girl that gots my other rib. Amen!"

Someday we will meet this special girl and I will tell her that Michael

has been praying for her since he was seven and boy is he

happy to have found his rib!"

At almost 17 years old,

he's definitely stepped up his rib search!

This story was a reminder to me to cover

both him and his future mate in prayer.

It's a very hard thing to be obedient

in a disobedient world,

but the payoff of self control is

monumental.

God has more blessings for us

than we can fathom

and his timing is perfect.

Hang in there son!

God knows who you belong to

and I'm certain that she is worth the wait!

Restoring Honor

2010-09-07T10:59:00.013-04:00

Restore {verb} :

To bring back to a former, original or normal condition.

Honor {noun}:

Honesty, fairness or integrity in one's beliefs and actions.

I started listening to Glenn Beck on the radio

many years ago.

He would keep me company as I dropped Brendell off at

Happy Apple in Saint Marys, Ga.

His views intrigued me and while they were not

all exactly like mine,

he was saying things that no one else on the radio was saying

and he made me think.

When he joined Fox News I started watching him regularly

and while again, some of the things he said

did not exactly line up with what I hold to be true,

I still respected his knowlege of history

and his love for our country.

When we heard of the 8/28 rally
and what it's purpose was,
we thought about going.
When we heard that Sarah Palin was going to speak.
we knew we had to be there!

Living close to Washington DC is bonus in

such a time as this.

We sat with people who had traveled in from

North Carolina, Florida,

Ohio and even New Mexico!

The crowds were thick, but kind.

Excited, yet respectful.

Fired up, but not frenzied.

I was so proud to be there!

Observing the sea of people from all walks of life

who were there for one common purpose was

overwhelming!

The military was honored,

those who had given their lives in this war

and in other wars

were honored

and civilians who were living an example

of Faith, Hope and Love

were honored.

The mood was decidedly uplifiting and encouraging.

No one was bashed.

No political lines were drawn in the sand.

We were a mixed lot of Americans

standing together for the purpose of restoring our country

back to her roots.

To return to the founding principles

of our forefathers

and to turn our hearts back to God.

I don't think I have ever seen

a larger gathering of people

anywhere else!

Based on the land mass covered

there were at least a half a million

people there!

The line just to get metro tickets into Washington

was thousands deep at 7 am when David and I

first attempted to get our tickets

at the New Carrollton station.

We ended up driving in to Suitland, MD

where David works and got right on the

metro station there with no trouble at all.
It was a long and exhausting day

but it was so awesome to be there

and to be a part of an event that

I believe in!

Honk if you're an insensitive jerk!

2010-08-26T10:07:00.003-04:00

So it's back to school week here in

Anne Arundel County.

Lots of little backpacks and lunch boxes,

knee socks and brand new shoes.

Tearful moms stand at the bus stop as

the big yellow beast roars to a stop.

The door squeaks open revealing

a metal stairway leading to

exciting new discoveries.

Nervous kindergartners cling to mom's hand

for just one more minute before

boarding the bus that will take them

to brick buildings full of construction paper,

scissors and glue.

The beginning of what will be 12 more years

of first days.

That classic scene is played over

year after year in towns and cities

all over America.

That first week of school is a sacred,

time honored tradition.

A milestone

that is part of the cadence of

American family life.

It's familiar,

it's special,

it's endearing.

Right?

Apparently not to everyone.
Someone got up a few minutes too late
yesterday morning,
threw on their suit,
chugged down their coffee,
grabbed their keys and ran out to their BMW.
Because of their own lack of planning,
they are now in a raging hurry to get to
wherever it is they need to be at 7:35 in the morning.
God help anyone who stands in their way
or delays them further.
Unfortunately, this person ended up behind a school bus.
And the classic scene was lost on him.
He didn't see the cute knee socks or the shiny mary janes.
He didn't smile at the little girl with the bouncy pigtails
who needed just one more hug from mom
before boarding the bus.
All he saw was the clock and
how inconvenienced he was.
He layed on his horn and kept a steady note
until every kid was on that bus
and every mom was robbed of that
sweet first day photo of their child
shedding the final layer of babyhood and
smiling back from the steps
of their future.
Unbelievable!!
This story was relayed to me by Brendell's bus driver
yesterday morning.
This morning Brendell, Journey and I
went out to meet the bus.
When it came to a stop at our driveway
the bus driver jumped out of her seat,
leaned out of the door
and gave Journey a doggy treat.
That's when the honking began.
First one, then two, then a long steady note.
The bus driver was already back in position before Brendell
was even properly seated!
The entire exchange probably took less than
15 seconds!
Seriously people,
if you can't wait 15 seconds for a moment of human kindness
something is wrong with your priorities!
Would 15 extra seconds actually get you down the road
that much quicker?
How about leave the house a full minute early
tomorrow,
then you'd have a whole 45 seconds to spare!
Heck, you could watch three bus boardings
with that kind of time!
Let this be a reminder to drivers everywhere.
School is back in session,
plan accordingly!
And while your at it
maybe taking a few seconds to relive
the joy and mystery of childhood
will help lower your blood pressure enough
for you to handle the interstate
where the big boys play!
*
Vent over.....
we will return to our normally upbeat,
happy, heart warming
blog shortly.

The Gift...

2010-08-18T12:22:00.020-04:00

To all the cool moms and aunts

out there,

this one is for you!

To those who sacrificed a clean floor
for toothless smiles,
finished laundry for
contagious giggles
and rainy indoor days
for zainy outdoor memories.....

Thank you!!!

It is because of you that some of us
have grown up holding experiences
and relationships
more precious than possessions.

It is through your willingness
to let us express our creativity
that we now feel free to be creative.

We know we left marks on your walls
and mud on your floor,
but you left much more indelible impressions
on our hearts.

Things like laughter, acceptance,
freedom, love, joy,
discernment between what is a big thing
and what is a small thing.
You gave us memories that we cling to
even today as we watch our own kids grow.

You put within our hearts

a longing to give our children

the same gift you gave us.

Permission to be a kid.

to get dirty,

to laugh until we couldn't breath,

to build tents in living rooms that you

just straightend up,

to paint pinecones

and picture frames

to jump in mud puddles

and in piles of leaves

to roast marshmellows,

carve our initials in trees

and hunt for aliens in the backyard.

I know I've said it before

but it is such a blessing to get to know

these kids!

Nylah and Emerson are my cousin Leah's children.

Being with them has filled my summer with nostalgia.

Watching them run through the same

enchanted woods that their mother and I ran through

is a gift beyond words.

This summer I have discovered that

I have the opportunity to

be what I longed for.

I have the chance to create bonds between

my kids and their cousins

just like the precious bonds that were

fostered during my childhood.
And the best part is that I'm sure

I'm getting the greater reward!

Not only do I get to rest in the comfort of the past,

but I get to experience the discovery of the present!

And that, my friends,

beats a squeaky clean house

and perfectly folded laundry

any day!

10 steps

2010-08-17T12:26:00.029-04:00

I think I have blogger's block.

Have you heard of it?

I actually googled it to see

what the world wide web had to say about it

and I found this link.

Who knew there was a 10 step program

to cure one's lack of creativity or inspiration

and who knew that there was a name

for sitting down at the computer and

either writing a bunch of incoherent sentences

and hitting delete

or just staring blankly at the screen

wondering what happened to your mojo!

I relate particularly to number 1 and number 6.

Number 5 must be for special personality types

whose brains work at dawn.

I'm curious to try number 7

although when I read the word "HitTail"

the last thing I think of is blogging.

I don't even want to google that!

So armed with these ideas and suggestions

I'm hoping to find my way out of "blogger's block".

In the meantime,

we've had such a full summer.

It baffles me that I have lacked the ability to write

creatively about everything we've done!

We were able to experience so many things

and made so many memories.

So, to catch you up

and to save myself from trying to blog about each event,

I thought I'd just post highlight photos.

So here ya go...

the summer of 2010!

The Linkous family visited us from Georgia

and we went to Washington DC for the day.

We also went to Six Flags!

We went to Pennsylvania

and picked out a puppy

from an impossibly cute litter

of Austalian Shepherds.

We brought Journey home on July 18th!

I had the joy of watching my cousin Leah's two kids

a few days a week this summer.

It was so wonderful to watch Brendell bond

with Emerson and Nylah!

Of course Summer in Maryland would not be complete without

a few crab feasts!!

We celebrated my favorite holiday

family style at
Fort Meade army base.

More fun with the cousins!

We also went to Hershey Park in PA

with Leah and her family!

We had a redneck picnic

in the Hershey Park Parking lot!

We went to Ocean City, MD

for a week with my mom and grandma.

Kenzie visited from Seattle!

As this Summer draws to an end,

and before the rush of Fall begins,

it is nice just to sit and reflect

on all of the special moments we had together in the sun.
It has been a summer of reunion for me.

I've reconnected in person

with a childhood friend, two high school friends,

a family from Georgia that feels like blood,

and lots of cousins who I never really knew

other than by name.

Maybe I'm wrong in thinking that I

have not been inspired.

Maybe I've been too overwhelmed with inspiration

that it all kinda jumbles up

and refuses to come out in coherent sentences.

I should google "inspiration overload"

and see if it cancels out intelligent thoughts!

Whatever it is,

it's nice to know that there are 10 steps

to figuring this all out.

Don't ya wish all of life's challenges

could be solved so easily?

Learning to Fly.....

2010-06-07T11:23:00.022-04:00

So we've been intently watching this Robin's nest

every day since we moved in

on May 10th.

Once the eggs hatched,

we watched the mother and father

tirelessly bring beak fulls

of worms and bugs

to the nest to feed their four hungry

little guys.

The babies grew stronger and stronger

before our eyes!

Within a few days,

they started looking less like aliens

and more like Robins.

The nest became smaller and smaller,

no longer able to hold the four of them

comfortably.

Someone was always hanging on the rim

and there seemed to be a constant tangle of wings.

Freedom came on Sunday morning!

Instinct kicked in and those little guys knew it was time.

Balancing precariously on the edge of their destiny,

each of them spread their wings

and set out on their own adventure...

all except one.

We've all been there,

our fear holding us back,

unable to do what seems to come so easily to others.

Self doubt can be crippling.

Sometimes, it seems like no matter how hard

we flap our wings,

nothing can take us where we want to go

except for our own courage.

It helps to have a strong support system too...

or at least someone to encourage us,

and stand guard over us when we feel
at our most vulnerable.

But ultimately,
there comes a time when we have to stand alone.
Some things just can't be done for us
no matter how much we are loved.
Our most important lessons
are often learned
only when we release ourselves from
the grip of fear
and step out of what we know is safe.

We have to push through the failures
and the near misses.
Perserverance
always
wins.

After a less than perfect attempt,
the ability to pick ourselves back up
and start over again with our head held high
is essential to our success.

Just getting out of the nest is one thing.....

But knowing what to do when you hit the ground

is another.

It's a big, big world out there

full of seemingly insurmountable

obstacles.

But the beauty is in the journey.

There is value in seeing even a small challenge

through to the end.

Each confidence building victory pushes us a little farther

toward our next goal.

In a world where everything is bigger than you

and there is danger lurking around every corner,

Your survival depends on knowing who to follow.

It is just as important to be a

wise follower as it is to be a wise leader.

Hang in there, baby!

Before you know it,

you'll find your wings!

The little green monster that lives outside my window.

2010-05-26T08:54:00.016-04:00

There is a little green monster

that lives outside my window.

He's now become my current obsession

as monsters sometimes do.

I mean look at this thing......

it is completely and totally

running my life...

currently.

I'm obsessed with watching the big dial spin.

It moves either gloriously slow

or maddeningly fast.

I'm obsessed with the big dial

because it affects the five small dials.

If I can get the big dial to move slowly,

then the small dials will follow

at a snails pace,

making for much less currency leaving my pocket

to pay for current currently flowing into my home.

So obsessed am I with this

little metal tattle-tale

that I spend an embarrassing amount of time

standing at the window

counting the seconds that it takes for the

big dial to make one full rotation.

Yes, I do.

At any time of day I can be seen with my face pressed

up against the window and heard

counting..."One one thousand,

Two one thousand, Three...."

like an 8 yr old child playing hide and go seek.

But I'm not playing a child's game,

I'm playing a game of cause and effect

with a pale green, glass faced tyrant!

I'm constantly running around the house
turning off lights, televisions, fans,
the air conditioner, the computers,
even alarm clocks

then running back to the window to see
how much I have starved
my power hungry,
kilowatt gobbling,
nemesis!
When I can get to at least "twelve one thousand" before that
big dial turns full circle,
I raise my hands in victory
and do a little dance I call the "tight-wad wiggle"
(and you thought I was gonna say
the "electric slide" or the "neutron dance", didn't ya?!)

I am happy to say that my record is
"seventeen one thousand"
but I'm sure I can top that
if I can just figure out how to grill out every meal,
do my dishes and wash my clothes
down at the creek behind my house and
hang the clothes to dry on the line in the back yard!
Of course the hope is
that I will be rewarded with a low electric bill
and a little extra money each month.
At over 4,500 square feet,
this is the largest home we've ever powered
(except the old farm house in Rhode Island...
but we aren't counting that because it had
no AC and Rhode Island's electric company
wasn't nearly as expensive as Maryland's.)
We hear horror stories
of electric bills upwards of 7 and 8 HUNDRED a month
here in Maryland,
Seriously!
Can you imagine paying that much
for one month of power?
Something about deregulation,
politics, competiton...
whatever.
All I care about is the amount of crabs I can't buy
because I am paying an
astronomical electric bill!

So we are understandably cautious
and being extra vigilant

(meaning we are not watching Fox News all day
and we strip down to our underwear

and put cold rags on our foreheads
before turning on the AC)

over how much juice that stupid green gargoyle,
I mean, we consume.
I'm hoping that we can loosen up a bit
once we find out how our comfort level
translates into dollars and cents.
So, now you understand why
I'm currently obsessed with current.....
and why I'm beginning to hate the
little green monster that
lives outside my window and
glares up at me defiantly
with five spinning eyes
wrenching crab after crab from my
Old Bay stained fingers!
I'm plotting his death as we speak!

Wilson the box turtle

2010-05-21T07:49:00.013-04:00

So David and I had lunch with Bren

on her first day of school.

It was a rainy Monday morning

and everyone knows that turtles

come out to play when it rains.

I should have expected something magical.

We felt like exploring a little on our drive home,

so we went down Wilson Road.....

{the road of my childhood}

just to see if there was a backroad to get to our

house from there.

We drove all the way down to the water
and found that no thru street
had been constructed since
the days when I learned to ride my bike with no
hands down that very road,
so we headed back up the hill.

As we drove I said,
"Wouldn't it be awesome if we found
a box turtle crossing the road
so we could bring it home to Bren".
No sooner had the words left my mouth
that we saw this little guy making his way
across Wilson Road
DIRECTLY
in front of the house I grew up in!

If you don't think that God tells even box turtles
where they should be and when,
think again!

I squealed and stopped the van so
David could run out and pick him up.
He was a active little thing,
arms and legs swimming in the air all the way home!

We fed him strawberries, tomatoes
and lettuce until Bren got home from school.

Hunting for Box Turtles has been a daily ritual
for Brendell.
She's forever tromping behind her big brother
in her polka dot rain boots
{so as not to pick up poison ivy, ya know},
exploring the woods
looking for the elusive brown and yellow shells.
She was thrilled to finally see one
up close and in person!

Wilson the box turtle has brought
much joy to our home over the past
four days.
We've enjoyed letting him out in the yard
in the afternoons and watching him
explore.
He's no longer shy
and hardly ever closes himself up
in his shell when we approach him.
He's used to us now.
We kept him long enough
for Nana to come see him
and then together,
Nana and Bren let Wison go free.
He made a b-line towards our wood pile
and wedged himself in between two
large chunks of tree trunk.
As far as I know,
he's still there.

Sometimes I feel like a box turtle.
For Wilson, home goes with him
wherever he goes.
His permanent home is
wherever he is.
Sure he may shack up in the hollow of a log
for a day or two,
maybe even a week,
but soon he's on the move again,
taking his portable home along with him.

How nice to be at home
wherever you are!

I used to have a sign that said,
"Home is where the Navy sends you."
So true.
Home is fluid.
It's not a structure
or a location.
It's an attitude.
Home is deciding to live your gift of life
to the fullest right where you are.
Wherever you are.

As Navy families,
we take our home with us wherever we go
in shells shaped like cardboard boxes.
We travel across this country and abroad
adapting to each new place.
We surround ourselves
by the familiar material
and most importantly portable
comforts of home.
Our location changes,
but our attitudes do not.
Home is where you are.
Make the most of the time
you have there and LIVE!

This is what it's all about!

2010-05-19T09:15:00.011-04:00

This was the first Mother's Day in 18 years

that I was able to spend in person with my mom!

We also had the added blessing

of sharing it with alot of our

Maryland family at a local restaurant.

This is my Aunt Brenda....part of the inspiration

for Brendell's name.

This is their first meeting that Bren will remember.

She was just a baby that last time

they were together.

Brendell was very excited to meet this lady

that she had heard about for so long.

Both of my mom's sisters, my grandmother,

several of my cousins and

my aunt Maryanne were all in attendance.

I was so happy for my kids to experience

a little taste of what it's like to live close to family.

For many military families,

being away from family presents a myriad

of challenges that the average family

does not experience.

I believe that children are more at risk

for all kinds of things when

there is not a close circle of support

around them that they can turn to.

It is nearly impossible to develop a

circle of the kind of support I'm speaking of

when a family moves from duty station to duty station

every two or three years.

The navy does a good job with programs

designed to offer support

and one hopes to find personal support

at local churches,

but these will never take the place

of face to face family support.

For us, being near family means that

our kids have more options than just

David and I for answers to questions,

for examples of how to live life in the best way possible,

for someone to talk to when Mom and Dad just grounded them
and for someone to bounce ideas off of and get advice from.

We are thrilled to be able to add this aspect to our lives

for the first time ever!

I don't think one can fully understand

the importance of being geographically close to family

unless they have lived without it.

I suppose some people avoid family by choice.

I've met people who would never want

to live in the same state as their family

or their in-laws,

but for us, this is a dream come true.

We've had a hole in our lives for the last 18 years

and we've longed for our kids to know and be known

by people who are related to them.

Bren has no idea what a cousin is,

but here in Maryland,

she has two!

She's also got two in Florida that will be able

to visit much more easily now that we are

on the east coast.

She's already relishing the idea

that all of these people love her

just because she exists!

She doesn't have to listen well,

dress well, do her homework well,

play soccer well, be funny,

cute or quiet.

They just love her because she is part of them.

She's finding her eyes in those she sees around her,

she's seeing the same noses, hands,

ears and hair color

and she is connecting the dots

that we all belong.

For my teens,

they are so excited to meet

everyone they can.

They are hanging on every story told to them

of the life experiences of our different family members.

They have also missed knowing where they come from

on a personal level

and now being able to see one half of it

in living, breathing people,

helps them place themselves in this big, big world.

Nothing is as precious as generations coming together

and celebrating the fact that

they belong to one another.

We had an amazing Mother's Day,

one I'd dreamed about for years.

I hope that you and yours did too.

If you are close enough to hug your

extended family,

do so every chance you get.
If you aren't....

have faith!

Your reunion will happen in God's perfect timing

(we waited 18 years!!)

if it is a desire of your heart.

Our household goods were delivered

the very next morning.

We got right to work and experienced yet another

perk to living near family....

another set of hands to help unpack boxes!

Interior photos coming soon!

The Road Home.....

2010-05-18T09:43:00.014-04:00

I know I'm skipping a post in here

(through West Virginia)

but now that I'm here,

I can't wait to post photos

of the final leg!

Michael is once again

our guest photographer for the day.

We were treated to blue skies and breathtaking views
as we made our way through
Western Maryland.

The long and winding road

brought us closer and closer to civilization

while still charming us with

untouched hills covered with a

thick blanket of green trees.

This surely must be an incredible drive

in autumn with the leaves change!

Michael was marveling at the many shades of green

we could see in the trees as we drove.

I've always said that the light shines differently here

and it was good to hear that someone else noticed it too.

The sun plays with the leaves and changes them from

light to dark and every shade of green in between

all on the same tree.

I'm not sure how to put it into words and not sound

like I'm painting the east coast as a utopia,

but one of the things I noticed was different

when we lived in California and Washington

was this kind of light play.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about

or am I completely crazy?

Michael and I were

bouncing in our seats when we saw this sign!

Almost there!!

This is the tree lined road through the woods

that leads to our house!

We had just passed the street I grew up on

and there to the right,

deep in the woods (especially in the fall),

we used to be able to see the tree fort

that my brother and I built

when we were kids.

One of these days, I will take the kids to look for it

and see if there are any hints of it still there.

My mom was waiting on the front porch when we arrived.

She had done such an awesome job

getting the house ready for us.

She stocked it with snacks,

paper goods, towels

and cleaning supplies.

She even bought a welcome mat,

decorated a bathroom

and put a bow on the outdoor lamp!

She's amazing!

We have never transitioned into a home

easier than we have here!

Here is the outside view from Bren's swingset.

We are close to getting all of our belongings

put away and organized,

so inside photos will be coming soon!

I'm incredibly pleased with the house.

It is absolutely perfect for us

and we feel so blessed to be here!

Another little touch from my mom!

This little momma robin

has been keeping watch over the front porch

(and her nest of eggs).

We'll soon have a family of hungry baby birds

to peek at from the window.

The robin family is just one of the many

wildlife families we've seen so far.

There is a family of deer

(about 8 of them)

that frequent the ravine behind our house.

Foxes and racoons have been spotted

as well as one special box turtle that

I will blog about soon.

So far no snakes or too may creepy crawlies.

We are absolutely LOVING living in the woods.

Michael has already picked out the perfect rope swing tree

and he and Brendell go exploring every chance they get.

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and filled with awe

when I think about the precious gift that

living back in this area is to me!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers

for us during our road trip!

It was so fun to share it with you!

Cross Country Road Trip Day 6....

2010-05-07T20:27:00.010-04:00

Day 6 took us through

Iowa, Missouri, Indiana and Kentucky.

Michael is our guest photographer

again for this leg.

One thing that I can definitely say
about cross country road trips
aside from the fact that they insure family bonding
is that they make your world much bigger.

Growing up on the east coast,
I never really thought beyond the states I was familiar with.
I associated Montana, Wyoming and South Dakota
with cowboys, horses and wild west gun fights,
Kansas with Tornados and Dorothy
and Indiana with basketball.
Sadly, I never really even thought about Iowa.
and I've discovered that she is gorgeous!
The first thing that popped into my mind
when thinking about Kentucky was
fried chicken (of course).
By the way,
we tried to go to Kentucky fried chicken here in Kentucky
right after we checked into our hotel
and they were completely out of chicken
at 8:00 pm!
Kentuckians must love the chicken too!

While driving through the arteries
of America's heartland,
I can't help but become friends
with the states I'm driving through.
As I get to know each one,
I'm finding things that fascinate
and surprise me.

Each state has a personality
and a "feel" to them.
I like them all
and I'm glad I'm getting to know them
more and more with each mile we drive.

We are stopping in Jeffersontown, KY

tonight.

This will be our second to last stop

before we get to our final destination.

Tomorrow we drive to our last stop

which will be Morgantown, WV.

After that we'll be in Crownsville, MD

and one journey will come to an end

while another one will be just beginning.

Cross Country Road Trip Day 5....

2010-05-06T22:34:00.015-04:00

Because we had to bypass

yellowstone due to weather,

we were able to take a fun day

at the Great Wolf Lodge

in Kansas City, Kansas.

I rode shotgun today

(followed by the two yahoos pictures above)

for the short drive from Iowa

to Kansas City,

so I will be your photographer for this leg.

Not much as far as scenery goes

since the drive was so short,

but I did capture a few farms and

people doing farm things.

I wonder how I would do living on a farm?

It seems so ideal and American,

but I'm so not a morning person.

My chickens would starve and

my cows would explode from having

too much milk.

Nope, I don't think a farm would suit me very well.

But I would like a cute little place like this

complete with an American flag

and a weathered barn.

I'd use it

just to relax a little once in a while,

wear a flowy dress with little flowers on it,

use words like darlin' and sugar,

ring one of those triangle things

to let all of my cowboys know that

dinner is ready,

and pretend that I live off the land

and don't care about where the nearest

shopping mall or starbucks is.

And I don't see any cows or chickens here,

so I think I'd be fine for a few days.

Plus who can resist a completely red house?

You could feel the excitement in the car

when we first caught a glimpse of

the Great Wolf Lodge!

I mean look at this place!

It's a kid's wonderland!

All three of them had a blast!!

And David LOVES waterparks,

so he really enjoyed our stay there too.

There are way too many photos to edit from

our stay there,

so here are some highlights....

I know, huh?

Sooooo cute!!

She's a little fish now!

A far cry from last summer when

we couldn't get her off of the steps

of any pool we were in!

Sorry there is not much comentary tonight,

but I think these photos speak for themselves.

Plus I am soooo tired after our

nine hour drive today.

I will share photos from our adventure

through Kansas, Missouri,

Indianna and finally to a hotel

in Kentucky.

(yes we did that all in one day!)

For now,

good night blog friends

and sweet dreams!

Cross Country Road Trip Day 4....

2010-05-05T23:12:00.017-04:00

Day 4 takes us from Rapid City, SD

through a bit of Missouri

and into Council Bluffs, Iowa

where we find rest at the Holiday Inn.

Our guest photographer for this leg

is the fabulous Madison!

We had an all girl vehicle today
and we had a blast together.

I just love seeing what each of my guest
photographers choose to shoot.
Even though our landscape has been about the same
for the last three days,
I still see lots of individualality in their shots.

I -90 is a ribbon that weaves and twists
through miles and miles
and miles
of wilderness.
I can't help but think about the days of the
wild, wild west when history book families
made their way through these same hills
and prairies on Laura Ingalls style wagons.

I wonder what that was like?
Did any of those mothers worry about
their young sons driving the wagon
behind them?
Did anyone ask "Are we there yet"
a thousand times?
How many times did a family have to stop
because someone had to pee?

What did they ever do without
happy meals and dvd players?
It's fun to think about what it must have been
like for those hundreds of families
who first blazed the trail west.

It must have been so exciting for them,
traveling unfamiliar roads
through new lands toward a new life
full of hope and uncertainty!

We've felt that way too on many
of our adventures across this
beautiful country of ours.
Setting out together to find a new home,
new friends, new schools,
new everything.
We aren't ever certain of how it will be,
but we are always excited and full of hope.
Adventures like that bond a family.

I've heard it said that if you want to strengthen
family bonds,
go camping.

That sounds like a good plan,
but I say a better way is to
pile everyone in a car or two
load it down with a million suitcases
and a pantry full of snacks.
Just for fun
spread everyone's shoes
and underwear among the suitcases,
hide the phone chargers,
forget the favorite CD's,
bring 40 pairs of socks for one person
and 1 pair for another person,
bring along shampoo that doesn't close tightly
and one deoderant stick to share.
Don't forget to throw in
an hour of tearful good byes to all of your kindred spirits
right before you leave.
Finally....
with tear stained faces and swollen eyes,
start at one coast and point your car toward the other coast
and drive!
Just drive.
Drive through the screaming and yelling,
through the "why did we have to move's"
and the
"she won't stop touching me's".
Drive.
Through the detours and road construction,
through the hail, snow, rain and sunshine.
Drive.
Then when it's quiet,
peek back and see your youngest all snuggled up
against a sibling,
the passing car lights illuminating
the sweetness of family.
Drive.
Towards hope, towards newness,
towards leaning on each other.
Drive.

See, guarenteed family bonding everytime!

We really are enjoying our travels across

America the beautiful.

For this girl who loves history,

it's so fun to see where much of it took place.

Tomorrow...

Kansas City, Kansas!

Cross Country Road Trip Day 3....

2010-05-05T08:49:00.011-04:00

Day 3 took us from Billings, MT

through Wyoming to Rapid City, SD.

Our guest photographer for this leg is

David during the drive

and then me at the pit stops.

Bren is really being a trooper!

As boring as the drives have been,

I expected her to complain alot,

but she's been occupied with her coloring books

and has enjoyed singing at the top of her lungs

with us when a fun song comes on the radio.

Usually, we are relegated to a country station

full of static

or a station playing a perpetual tribal rain dance song,

but every once in a while a station with familiar songs

will come in clear enough for us to

sing along with.

We did have some excitement thought when
we had to slow down for a bunch of cowboys
to unload their horses.

The wind was crazy!!
We had to be careful opening our car doors
because the wind would push them open with
so much force I thought they'd come off of their hinges!

I know that just because we were in Wyoming
didn't mean that everyone would be decked out in
chaps and cowboy hats but,
I was hoping to see a real cowboy,
chaps and all,
and I got to see two!

If we had to deal with miles and miles
of desert and prairie,
I'm glad we had these gorgeous blue skies to follow us
for most of this trip.

We bedded down for the night in Rapid City, SD.
We met a waitress at Godfather's Pizza
who had never left Rapid City.
She was amazed at all of our travels
and I was happy to hear my kids
proudly telling her of all of our travels.

Cross Country Road Trip Day Two....

2010-05-03T23:08:00.014-04:00

Because of bad weather

and closed roads in the park,

we decided to skip Yellowstone

and head east on 90.

Day two took us through Idaho and into

Montana.

Our guest photographer for this leg is

Michael

(who I think may have some talent)!

Day two brought us diverse conditions.

We had rain and hail,

high winds,

gorgeous blue skies

and foreboding dark clouds.

Montana is very two faced.

She begins lush and civilized

and ends barren and wild.

After an 8 hour drive,

we made our first stop outside of Washington

in Billings, Montana.

We are headed to Rapid City, South Dakota

in the morning!

Cross Country Adventure Day 1....

2010-05-03T23:02:00.006-04:00

Our cross country road trip begins

with a short 5 hour drive

from Seattle to Spokane.

Our guest photographer for this leg

is Madison!

We will al miss the beauty of the Pacific Northwest.

We certainly enjoyed exploring here!

In Spokane at my friend Linda's house

we saw a full double rainbow!

We could see it touch on both ends.

What a great way to say goodbye to

such a gorgeous state!

and then there were 5.....

2010-05-01T22:50:00.010-04:00

My first bird has flown.

Saying goodbye to him

was by far the most heart wrenching

event for all of us.

How do you say goodbye

to someone who is so much a part of you?

There simply are no words......

We all just held eachother and spoke

words of love an encouragement

through broken voices

and hot tears.

Although our hearts were breaking

because of the distance that will be between us,

it was wonderful to see that the bond

we share is unbroken.

Zach is on to new adventures of his own now.

We are so proud of his determination

and we know that he has what it takes

to succeed in anything that he puts his mind to!

He's strong and smart

and we have so much faith in him.

But all the pride we have in the world for him

can't drown out the intense pain of separation

or the daunting task of

adjusting to life on the opposite coast of my

first born.

I will miss him more than I can express.

We all will.

the goodbye book....

2010-04-29T13:16:00.003-04:00

I could hear her in the back seat of the van,

the sweet notes of her voice reaching right into my heart.

She was reading from a book of letters

that her first grade class had written to her this week.

"I will miss you soooo much!"

"You are the best friend I have ever had in my whole life!"

"Have fun with your new friends, but don't forget about us!"

"Please ask your Dad not to move. I will miss you too much!"

As she read each one,

I choked back tears that threatened to reveal my concern for

each of my kids whenever a move is upon us.

My mind went back to an afternoon in late May

at Annapolis Area Christian School in Maryland

when my mom dried the tears of her own little girl

who was clutching a very similar book of goodbye letters.

We were moving from Maryland to Pensacola, Florida

and I was just finishing the 5th grade.

I remember all those final hugs

and all those goodbyes to friends who I thought

I would never be able to live without.

I've said goodbye so many times since then

and my oldest three kids have many goodbye books

of their own stashed away in a keepsake box.

But this is Bren's first precious collection of sweet sentiments

from her grade school friends putting into words what a special little girl she is

and how much she will be missed.

This will be her first taste of goodbye to all of the little girls

who have filled up her weekday afternoons,

and her first introduction to learning to let go and move on but not forget.

We probably won't see any tears from her

because she's a tough little one when it comes to that,

but we'll see it in other ways.

In the quiet way she'll stare out the window,

not saying anything but

thinking, thinking, thinking....

I will recognize the worry in her eyes.

What will her new school be like?

Will they like her?

Will she like them?

Will she have a nice teacher?

Uncertainty will surely haunt her when she lets it.

Like I said though,

She is one tough cookie

and a very adaptable, friendly child.

She'll do great and she'll make friends on day one,

I'm sure of it.

The hardest part is the leaving and the arriving.

Everything else is filling.

Our journey begins in the morning

with cross country adventure blogging starting over the weekend.

First stop,

Spokane!!

We'll spend two nights with my friend Linda

and then off to Yellowstone with Linda and her family

for two days of exploring

before we point ourselves east on 70

and go until we smell the old bay seasoning!

Best of the West {part two}

2010-04-22T21:05:00.032-04:00

Kids!!!

As parents, we all know how fast our kids grow.

As I've learned this week while going through

lots of old photos,

capturing those moments is so

important.

You will want to remember

their crooked smile,

the wave in their hair,

their tiny fingers and toes,

the innocent or mischievious look in their eyes.

Nothing can give those years back to you

like an album full of photos!

I will be booking sessions in the

Annapolis/Baltimore area

beginning May 22nd.

Book before July 31st for my special

"new in town" prices.

Let's get to know each other!

{Pass this on to your MD friends and family!}

Best of the West! {Part One}

2010-04-21T11:39:00.023-04:00

Teens!

Teens and seniors are among my favorite

subjects to photograph.

Here are a few of my favorites from

my Pacific Northwest sessions.

If you live in the Baltimore/Annapolis

area and will be graduating in 2011,

send me an e-mail or leave a comment

with your contact information.

I am looking for a few spokesmodels

from each local high school.

Spokesmodels will receive session and print discounts

plus incentives

and will be the face of my business

in your high school.

Of course you don't have to be a senior

to need a portrait session.

Sweet sixteens and new smile

(newly removed braces)

sessions are fun too!

I will be booking promotional "new in town" sessions

at an incredible limited time price

for seniors and teens

in the Baltimore/Annapolis area

beginning May 22nd through July 31st!

Contact me for details!

Tick-Tock!

2010-04-17T14:25:00.004-04:00

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

While I don't want you to think of my lack of posts as "hell",

I can say that I began this month with good intentions.

Intentions to post some observations

and feelings as our time here comes to an end.

And then I got sucked into the vortex of craziness!

I just can't believe that we will be leaving Washington State

in less than two weeks!

The packers will be here in 8 days!

EIGHT!!

I'm not ready yet, but I'm the queen of crunch time,

so I will have everything squared away by next weekend.

There are so many posts I wanted to make before I left.

I especially wanted to post some photos

from some family sessions I have been blessed to do here.

All of those families are Navy friends

and all of them are precious to me.

I'm so lucky to be able to take all of them with me

in beautiful photographs depicting each of their

unique personalities.

I get to look at them over and over

and remember the good times we had here.

I still intend to make that post....

right after I craigslist some furniture,

make an album of boutique sets to sell on facebook,

remove every undesireable item from every room

so we don't haul it across the country just to throw it away,

do one last session for a friend of mine,

collect all school transfer records and contact the new schools

to let them know we are on our way,

collect all dental records,

hopefully get Michael's braces off before we leave,

make sure all utility bills that we have yet to receive are paid,

make a hotel reservation for our last night here,

set aside everything we will be taking with us in our vehicles

so that essentials aren't packed in the moving truck,

plan our route,

make sure Zach is taken care of,

clean the house, weed the yard,

prepare the vehicles for the road trip,

organize our schedules so that all of our individual

going away parties can be attended,

and last but not least...

hold Brendell's 7th birthday party!!

Whew!

So now you know what a rock star I will be

if I do get that post up before we leave!

I will be blogging our trip across the country beginning

April 30th.

First stop Spokane!

Idol Top 9

2010-04-07T11:44:00.002-04:00

I hate going from Idol post to Idol post

with no post in between,

but it's just been that kind of week!

So here we go

American Idol Top 9

Lennon/McCartney week.

Aaron

Long and Winding Road

I agree with Ellen,

this was the long and winding song!

I didn't like it at all

and I thought he was shaky

through the whole thing.

Definitely an off night for Aaron.

Katie

Let it Be

This is my favorite performance to date

from Katie.

I did hear a lean towards country

in her vocals tonight

so I agree with Simon,

forget Cristina and Fergie

country is the way Katie should go!

Andrew

Can't Buy Me Love

Whenever I hear this song

it reminds me of the movie

"Can't Buy Me Love'

with pre-McDreamy Patrick Dempsey!

Loved that movie!

No matter what Andrew sings

I just like his tone so much.

He's very "relevant" as the judges would say.

It wasn't my favorite song on him,

but I think he has soooo much potential.

Mike

Eleanor Rigby

I actually liked this tonight.

It was good to see Mike take on

something dramatic and pull it off.

He's confident on stage

and always delivers a solid performance,

but I just can't get into him

for the long haul.

He shouldn't go yet, but he wont win.

Crystal

Come Together

Do we really need to keep going with this competition?

Let's just get it down to Lee and Crystal

and see what happens!

Crystal rocked it tonight!

Perfect song,

awesome performance,

slammin' vocals...

where do I buy my ticket?

Tim

All My Lovin'

Ok, much better than last week,

but still a little

cruise ship to me.

I'm glad he got a nod from Simon though,

it's hard to get beat up week after week

and keep that 1,000 kilowatt smile going.

Too bad it's not "smile idol".

Casey

Jealous guy

My absolute favorite from him!

I loved his look tonight.

The golden locks let loose

works for him

and so did this song!

Top three for sure!

Siobhan

Across The Universe

This song was sooo boring,

but it gave me a chance to try to

figure out what the girl was wearing!

It ws like she woke up and couldn't decide

between Madonna, southern belle,

biker chic or business woman,

so she just put it all on!

The outfit was definitely more interesting than the song.

I'm not sure what Siobhan is doing,

but she's losing momentum big time.

No scream though....

thanks girl!

Lee

Hey Jude

I love this song

and I loved it on him!

He's just such an honest

humble guy and I love his raspy voice.

I'd buy his CD today!

Weakest:

Siobahn

Tim

Aaron

Should go:

Tim

American Idol Top 10!!

2010-03-31T02:37:00.013-04:00

Well, it's that time of year again!!

I'm excited to start blogging about

this season's top 10!

Tonight's theme: R&B

Mentor: Usher

( I can't hear that Usher song that they opened with

without thinking of Hitch and

wanting to do that crazy dance

no matter what Will Smith tells me I should be doing!)

First up: Siobhan

song: Through The Fire

I'm glad Usher gave her wardrobe advice.

Judging from what she practiced in

I bet he was afraid that she would

go full on Molly Ringwald from

Pretty in Pink

when she performed tonight.

His advice toned her down a bit,

but unfortunately could not help

her vocals tonight.

She's soooo not R&B

even with Missy Elliot boots on!

Randy is right....

this song was well within her range

and she should have slayed it,

but her efforts tonight were

awkward and screechy.

But we did get that token

(albeit annoying)

high note at the end.

Yay.

Next up: Casey

Song: Hold On, I'm Comin'

Casey goes back to his blues roots tonight

and Killed it!!!!

I loved his vocals and

his shiny red guitar.

I do think he's still a little stiff

on stage,

but I'm guessing that he'll

loosen up more as the season

goes on.

Next up: Mike (AKA: Big Mike)

Song: Ready For Love

I thought Mike sang this song

really well tonight,

but it was a little sleepy for me

at the beginning.

He definitely got better toward the

second half of the song though.

Everytime they show his wife

on camera, all I can think about is,

"Where is that baby girl, and how do you

look so put together?"

If I had to be on camera

that soon after giving birth,

and especially with my first baby,

while my husband was away

for long days of rehersals,

ya'll would be lucky

not to see me in my nursing gown

with last nights make-up still

caked under my tired eyes!!

No smiling, no clapping,

just sleep deprived rants about

swollen breasts and 2 am feedings,

I don't care what song you are singing to me!

Bonus points for pulling it together

for national television, Mike's wife!

Next up: DiDi

Song: What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

She is my dsughter Madison's favorite girl

this season.

I'm really not happy with this performance

which is a shame because

I really do like her voice.

She's lost herself I think and

I hope she finds that vibe she had

at the beginning

because I would hate to see

her go so soon.

I have to admit

that I was holding my breath

during her whole performance

because I was afraid she was

going to burst into tears.

Randy is right again...

this was momentless.

And boo for Ryan trying

to draw out raw emotion from her tonight.

Doesn't he know that it is very rare

for girls to "cry pretty"

and the last thing you want on national television

is you standing there with a contorted face

and a mixture of snot and tears

running down your face!

He just would not let that go

would he?!

Next up: Tim (AKA Teflon Tim)

Song: Sweet Love

Oh Tim, Tim, Tim!!!!

I'm really starting to feel sorry for him.

Even after a lesson on smoldering and swooning

from Usher,

the boy still manages to suck the swagger

right out of a great song.

But, he is adorable....

to me he looks like a mixture of

my two boys,

but like I tell them...

that pretty smile, great hair,

and sparkling baby blues

can only get you so far.

At some point you have to back that up

with talent.

As a side note,

I think there should be a drinking game

for every time Simon says

"Current or Contemporary",

but then everyone would be too drunk to vote

at the end of the show

so maybe that isn't a good idea.

Next up: Andrew

Song: Forever

Finally!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew delivers a straight up solid performance!!

I love this guys tone!

I disagree that he is boring.

I really think he gives off a

very cool, mellow vibe

that works for him.

Next up: Katie

Song: Chain of Fools

I just have to say that I am so sick

of hearing this song on AI!

It seems like we were bombarded with this tune

during auditions every year.

Enough already!!

Ok, rant over....

I did actually like this tonight.

I didn't love it,

but I don't think it was as bad as last week.

I do think she is in the top 2 or 3

when it comes to confidence on stage.

I do think that her dad is safe to

forego the barstool

and watch elimination night tomorrow.

It shouldn't be her leaving.

Christina???!! Really, Randy?

I have to disagree,

and we were so in synch tonight Dawg!

Next up: Lee

Song: Treat her Like A Lady

Lee is my favorite guy this season.

Love his voice,

love his backstory,

love his attitude,

love his hair,

love him!!!

I am going to go ahead and predict

that he is the last boy standing this season.

Hsi performance tonight was absolutely incredible!

I'm so glad that he is beginning to realize

how good he really is!

Next up: Crystal

Song: Midnight Train To Georgia

Crystal is my favorite girl this season.

She has so much incredible raw talent.

While not my favorite from her

I think she did really well

showing another side of herself tonight.

Her vocals were strong enough on their own,

so I agree with Simon

about the back up singers.

And bonus points for not falling on those heels!!

Next up: Aaron

Song: Ain't No Sunshine

He's definitely got a great voice,

but I wanted to love this performance

way more than I did.

I don't think he hit the

"I know, I know, I know......."

part like Usher coached him to

and like we were all waiting for.

I think Aaron's still a little raw,

but he could surprise us

over the next few weeks.

Phrase of the night:

"Gilding the lilly"....

What it means: A lilly was an ornamental decoration

which did not need further improvement or embellishment.

Gilding the lilly means to add to an already perfect thing.

Winner tonight: Lee

Bottom three:

DiDi

Siobhan

Tim

Going home:

Tim

Until next week....

peace out music fans!

***

Rock and Worship Road Show!

2010-03-26T16:00:00.015-04:00

When I heard that this concert

was coming to our area

I knew we had to go.

That it fell so close to my birthday

was a bonus.

Because it was not a ticketed event,
we got their almost four hours early
to guarantee us a good seat.
It was rainy and cold,
but the concert was worth the wait!

We huddled up under umbrellas
and waited for the doors to open.

The bands in this tour were:
Sidewalk Prophets
Remedy Drive
Fee
Francesca Battiscelli
Family Force Five
The David Crowder Band
and
Mercy Me.

Each one was amazing
and sang lots of songs that
we loved.

Family Force Five was the most fun for us.
We discovered this band about four years ago
and have loved them ever since.
They are very high energy
and got us jumping around
and having a great time.

It was so fun to watch my kids
enjoy themselves so much!
Michael told me this morning
that he thought I had the best
birthday party ever!
He's right!
It was incredible!

God has been drawing me close
in very visible and tangible
ways these past few weeks.
One of the things I am realizing
is how very much he loves me.
I recently was messaging back and forth
with an old friend of mine.
I'm going to share here part of
what I wrote to her
because it decribes perfectly
what I am trying to say.
*
"I haven't seen Zach in 8 days,
but I cannot describe for you the
peace I feel that God is going to do a
great work in all of this.
That peace did not come during those
first few days.
I spent so much time crying and
literally groaning our prayers to God
because I could not find the words
or stop weeping long enough to say them.
I felt so helpless and afraid,
but through many people pointing out
scripture to me and telling me
their stories of how a teen
in their lives was restored,
I began to realize that maybe
all of this was happening
because God wanted to do a
work in ME.
Maybe it wasn't about Zach at all.
Maybe God was drawing me close
and letting me know how much he loved me
and how much he wanted me to
lean only on him
even in the darkest of circumstances.
Slowly I began to give up
my fear,
my worry,
my desire to control
and threw myself at his feet...
broken and bruised.
And you know what?
He picked me up and gave me joy again
in the faces of my other three kids
and in my husband.
He gave me nights of peaceful rest
and just calmed my spirit
beyond my comprehension.
I should not feel this way right?
I should be a wreck,
but God has given me peace and joy....
just like he promised!!"

*

How He Loves Us
by The David Crowder Band
has become my favorite
worship song.
The lyrics remind me
of how smitten God is with each of us.
This song is so brilliantly written
and speaks straight to my heart
like a personal love song
to me
from my creator.........

"He is jealous for me.
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree.
Bending beneath the weight of his wind
and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these
afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me.
And oh,
how he loves us so
how he loves us
how he loves us all.
We are his portion and
he is our prize
drawn to redemption
by the grace in his eyes.
If grace is an ocean
we're all sinking!
And heaven meets earth
like an unforseen kiss
and my heart turns violently
inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain
these regrets
when I think about
the way.....
He loves us!"

***

Click here to see
if the Rock and Worship Roadshow
is coming to your area.

***

The bubble gum wall

2010-03-24T10:55:00.015-04:00

Seattle has alot of unique attractions,

but I don't think any of them are quite as unique

as this bubble gum wall at Pike Place Market.

We loaded up a bag of bubble gum and
went to visit this unusual place
and to leave our mark
this past weekend.

I couldn't help but notice the creativity that was displayed
by something as unappealing as a piece of chewed gum.
It was almost pretty in a way and definitely
an improvement on sticking your gum
underneath a restaurant table...
which seems to be the number two most popular place
to stick your gum in Seattle, according to Bren
who regularly checks and reports
whenever we are seated at a table.

While marveling at how so many pieces of gum had
come to congregate in one place,
it hit me.
This bubble gum wall is like life
or more specifically,
family life.
It is the equivalent of making lemonade out of lemons
and turning something mundane and undesirable
into a work of art that brings a smile
and draws people in.

The transparency of sticking all of your flaws out there
alongside the flaws of everyone else
is the true beauty.
It's accepting all the various colors
of used up, worn out, formally flavorful sticky wads
and creating a mosaic of imperfection
that ends up being strangely perfect.
A wall of flaws that is actually
very alluring
and quite a crowd pleaser!

Obviously I've stuck the chewed up pieces of my own
little family of six
squarely on the brick wall of life
and so many of you have reached out and
encouraged me by sticking your own
unsavory experience right beside mine
and together we made something
captivating
that opened my eyes to the beauty
in my undesirable and unwanted distress.

A couple dozen discarded pieces of gum would never
have been able to jump the gap
between the ordinary
and the extraordinary!
All of us have distasteful and even repulsive
things happen to us or by us,
but it's when we come together
in vulnerability and honesty
to comfort, enliven and inspire
that the real artistry
is emblazoned
on life's otherwise generic
red brick wall.

God speaks through my Toyota

2010-03-12T12:43:00.002-05:00

All I can say is wow!

If I ever had a doubt that

God speaks very specifically

and directly to my situation,

I can lay them all to rest now.

I took Zach to work this morning

because he asked me to.

We drove in silence all the way there.

Once he exited the van,

I turned the radio to an AM talk station

that I haven't listened to in a while.

The first sentence I heard was

"Can you speak to the mom out there

who is dealing with the pain of watching

a child make bad choices."

Instant tears of pure gratitude

for the reassurance that God was

invested in the deepest parts of my life

began flowing down my face.

The program was tailored to my situation

so much so that one conversation

was about how to handle the guilt

that the enemy heaps on moms

whose children don't walk the

straight and narrow.

They addressed each area of my life.

Each one!!

Everything that I have been rehashing

over the last few days....

working full time during Zach's first year of life,

attempting homeschooling and failing,

moving away from family support,

and allowing anger and hurtful words

to rule seasons of my life.

The enemy has thrown each of these darts

at me over the past two days,

but God spoke truth to me today

through my Toyota Sienna stock radio!

The woman said that she had to learn

to take every thought captive.

To bring it down and wash it with the truth of God!

She said that she'd be doing the dishes and

a condeming thought would enter her mind

and she would have to stop right then

and quote truth.

She said that in the middle of her

hardest struggles with her children,

She wrote these words in the margin of her Bible

in the book of Psalms,

"Either I believe you are sovereign

or I'm going to go insane."

So if you were driving around town this morning

and you saw a woman weeping at the wheel

of a blue mini-van,

don't worry....

it was just her expression of complete and utter surrender

to her sovereign God

who was wrapping his arms around her

and holding her tightly!!

My great sorrow..................

2010-03-11T14:40:00.003-05:00

So Zach packed a backpack yesterday and left.

The rules in our home have become too

constricting for him

and so he is trying life on his own.

He slept down the street at his friend's house

last night,

so I could close my eyes and know that he

was at least safe and warm.

I do not know if he will continue to sleep there

or if he will have to find shelter somewhere else.

Leaving was his choice

and he said it was the only choice he felt

was right for him.

He is in an independent study program

and cannot miss his Thursday meetings

or he will be dropped from the program.

I told him that I would drive him to the meeting

if he needed me to.

He called me last night and asked for that ride.

I was relieved that at least he is not

giving up on getting his high school diploma.

After the meeting he asked me to drive him

to a grocery store so that he could get

some food.

As we walked through the aisles

and he threw a bunch of junk food into the cart,

my eye caught a Buzz Lightyear cereal bowl set

on one of the shelves

and I wondered what happened to the little

blonde headed boy who

would run around the house

yelling, "to infinity and beyond!".

My heart is absolutely breaking,

and I am trying not to be consumed by

my great sorrow,

but I know I have to be strong and unwaivering

because I love him.

I know that his father and I have loved him well.

We have given him so many opportunites and support to turn his

struggles into triumphs.

Minutes ago I watched him

walk up the hill out of our neighborhood

in the cold rain

with a backpack full of food

and an extra change of clothes,

I can hardly breathe and the tears that I held in

all morning as we were together

are now a hot flood that I can no longer will away.

I want to call out to him to come back

to the safety of my arms,

but I know that this is his battle to fight.

These are his hard knocks to take

and learn from.

I am driven to my knees

pleading with God to protect him,

to keep him safe

and to draw Zach's heart back to his.

Zach knows that he is welcome back in our home

when he is willing to take responsibility for his actions

and be willing to submit to the rules we have in our home.

Right now he is not ready.

Right now he would rather

walk his own path,

and we have to let him.

This is the deepest sorrow

and the most gripping fear I have ever felt,

but I have to lean on something greater than myself.

I have to hold on to what I know.

If I am to make it through this,

I have to trust in the God who loves Zach

even more than I do.

Jeremiah 29:11 is my life verse

and I have had to hold strongly to it before,

but never as much as now.

I can only take my next breath

knowing that God has a plan

and that He will restore our family.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Plans to give you a future and a hope."

Cardboard Condo

2010-03-08T13:21:00.007-05:00

So I wrote a letter to a stuffed animal last night.

And not just me,

Daisy got letters from Brendell, David and Michael too.

My mom bought Brendell this bumble bee pillow pet

for Valentine's Day,

and Brendell named her Daisy.

She's been Brendell's constant pal ever since.

Yesterday, Brendell collected every box she could find in the house

and asked Michael if he would help her

make a home for Daisy.

They went up to Brendell's room

to construct Daisy's home

and came down thirty minutes later with this

cardboard condo minus the mailbox.

Brendell was so excited and proud

of what she and Michael had built.

Later she found a kleenex box in the cabinet

and the wheels in her mind started turning again.

Before I knew it,

she had unrolled a brand new roll of paper towels

to find the perfect mail box post.

She and Michael added it to the house

and then the real fun began.

Bren handed us all paper and pens and asked us
to write Daisy letters.
Daisy now has more mail than we do!
It is amazing how much fun a kid can have
with cardboard, tape and a little imagination!

When I was about Bren's age,
I remember my parents making me
an entire cardboard kitchen.
I had a stove and a refrigerator with doors
that really opened.
We drew burners on the stove top
with red marker.
I still remember that the words
"Becki's Kitchen"
were scrawled across the front of the fridge
in my kindergarten handwriting.
Funny how I remember that taped together kitchen
more than I remember any store bought toy.
Maybe it was the uniqueness of it
and the fact that it was made exactly how I wanted it,
or it could have been that I understood
the love that went into making it.
Whatever it was,
my cardboard kitchen created a lasting memory for me.

Bren has a room full of store bought toys,
but none of them have lit up her eyes
quite as much as this box house
that she made with her brother.

I'm thinking that the creating of it,
little 3 foot 10 bundle of smiles
alongside her patient big brother
putting their creative energy together
is what Brendell will remember
someday when she's a mommy.

She found two more boxes in her closet this morning.
I'm expecting a second story before dinner!

It's in the blood......

2010-03-03T13:53:00.003-05:00

Here is something that I have been thinking about

for a little while now.

Bear with me while I set it up.

Iron is very important to the body.

Being a major component of hemoglobin,

it carries oxygen to all parts of the body.

Iron also assist in oxygen utilization

within cells in every part of the body.

Iron is a very good thing.

It is a much needed thing

and too little of it is harmful to the body.

But what happens if you have too much iron in your body?

My mom has a condition called

hemachromatosis.

Her body absorbs too much of a good thing.

If left untreated this extra iron would cause

her heart, liver and pancreas to fail.

The cure for hemachromatosis is phlembotomy

which is a fancy word for taking blood from the body.

Depending on the serverity,

a person with hemochromatosis

will give a pint of blood once or twice a week

for up to a year to try to get the ferritin levels in the blood

to the low side of normal.

Once the levels are controlled

a person goes on maintenance therapy

and typically gives a pint of blood every

2 to 4 months for life.

I can always tell when my mom

needs her blood drawn.

She sounds exhausted and worn out

and will sometimes tell me of a persistent pain

that she is having in a joint somewhere.

Both of these are usually the result of too much

iron build up.

Once she gives blood,

she's back to herself again.

So lately I have been thinking about the things

that I have let build up in my life.

Things that are seemingly good,

but that have begun to weigh me down and

are keeping me from my full potential.

Things that could eventually cause the failure

some important functions

that are necessary for a helathy lifestyle.

The first thing that comes to mind

is time management.

Part of my temperment is to

strive for the most fun out of life that

I can possibly get.

I'm spontaneous and adventurous.

I love anything that is fun and

brings laughter,

That's all good.

Enjoying life is important,

but too much indulgence in fun can begin to

create an unhealthy imbalance

(and dirty floors because

let me tell ya, floor mopping and laundry folding

is NOT fun or funny!).

I have had to learn (and am still learning) to give my pint of fun

every week so that my family can enjoy

a peaceful orderly home.

Another area that I thought about

was my desire to please.

Volunteering in too many places,

taking on too many responsibilities,

trying to be everything for everyone

can really begin to cause failure

in essential areas of my life.

Volunteering is great.

Social involvment is awesome,

but not when there is an imbalance

to the degree that family life suffers.

I have had to learn to give my pint of

"need to please" every week

so that I can have time to be the kind of mom

and wife that I want to be.

I am not a fan of needles at all.

I don't know if I would be as strong as my mom is

if I had to do what she does.

I know she is not a fan of needles either,

but I think she actually looks forward to

her phlebotomy because the trade off

is that she gets her energy back.

Although my personal pints aren't drawn with

a needle,

I too feel the relief that comes with making

good choices in life.....

which strangely enough is something my mom

taught me not only with her disease,

but with her life.

You are amazing mom,

and no matter how much blood they take from you,

I will always think that you are an

iron-woman!

Full circle.....

2010-02-23T11:40:00.003-05:00

I am always jealous of people who live as adults

in the same area that they grew up in.

Watching your own kids romp around the same playgrounds,

swim in the same rivers,

attend the same schools,

and frequent the same hang outs

that you did seems like such a wonderful way

to raise a family.

I know the grass is always greener

and those people probably think that my life

of new adventures every few years

and getting to see so many parts of the country

is wildly exciting.

We usually want what we can't have.

Over the years I have grown to embrace and love my life,

but the longing for familiarity never leaves.

I feel like God has heard all of my silent thoughts,

and not so silent ones too.

He has seen how many private tears I have cried over

not being able to raise my kids near family.

He heard and saw it all

and now in his perfect timing,

He is making a way for me to

have the desires of my heart!

I still can't believe it!

We will be renting the beautiful house pictured above

for the next three years!

But that's not all....

God is a very specific God.

His blessings are pre-packaged.

They are personalized down to the very last detail.

This house is located exactly half a mile from

the house I grew up in on Wilson Road!

The same woods that went on for miles behind my house

and provided so many hours of tree fort building and

rope swinging also back up to this house!

I will be able to take my kids on box turtle hunts

and searches for the perfect branch to hang a tire swing from.

We will be able to walk down to the marina

that first sparked my brothers love of fishing.

We can feed the ducks from the same pier

that I skipped down as a pigtailed little girl.

There was one duck in particular that

was the loudest quacker in the bunch.

She was black and white

and just the most vocal bird I've ever heard.

My Dad named her Becky

in honor of my own ability to talk my way

into and out of anything!

I wonder if Becky had loud little ducklings

and gran-ducklings

that are still hanging around?

I can't wait to find out!

And so as we prepare to vacate one home

and build a life in another

I am reminded that I have a God

who loves me

and who has good things stored up for me,

including houses with red walls and

stone fireplaces

backing up to familiar woods

full of magical adventures!

Click Here for the link

to my very personalized gift!

Hey mom, did ya see that?

2010-02-16T14:57:00.005-05:00

So we've been going to the gym alot lately.

I really love it

and having David do it with me

makes it much more enjoyable.

When one or both of the boys go with us

the workout usually ends with a raquetball game.

On this day it was just David and Michael playing.

I have absolutely no desire to go into that room

and subject myself to a viscious game of dodge the

bouncing blue bruise making bullet ball,

so I watch from a bench in the hallway.

As I sat there, I noticed something.

After every single hit Michael made

he looked back at me and smiled.

Every single one!

And sometimes he'd glance over at me

with a sheepish look on his face

when he missed one.

I let my mind wander to when he was three years old.

"Watch this mom!" he'd yell from the other end of the pool.

He'd get a running start and do a cannon ball right into the deep end.

He was such an adventurous little guy

and I loved watching him accomplish all of his

rambunctious feats.

But, I have to admit,

that "Mom, watch this!" over and over again

during our visits to the pool or park

got pretty tiresome.

I was a busy mom with three little ones to look after

and we usually went to the pool or park with friends

so there was conversation going on.

Lot's of times I'd do the fake watching thing

that all moms do.

He'd shout "Watch this!"

I'd say, OK!"

but quickly go back to what I was doing

when his attention was off of me

and when I heard him resurface,

I'd say, "Great job!"

I don't think I realized then how precious

it was that my kids wanted so badly for me to be in awe of them.

Don't get me wrong,

I was a great mom who loved to have fun with them.

I'd roll on the grass with them,

toss balls, climb trees,

ride bikes, take walks

and build living room tents with them.

I cherished them as much as I knew how,

but I don't know if I really grasped the fleeting preciousness

of it all.

In those days of utter exhaustion sprinkled with

delightful exuberance,

did I really grab hold of all of the ordinary moments?

Did they know how much I enjoyed them

even on the fake watching days?

I sure hope so!

Now that my little dare devil boy is older

there are far fewer

"Hey mom, watch this!" moments.

They do still occur, but now there are more

"Mom I wish you could have been there to see it"

moments, because the natural flow of life

limits our time together.

Funny how something that got to be so annoying

is one of the things that I miss the most

about being a young mom with

three little ones under foot.

So, needless to say,

I was delighted to see that

the little boy in Michael will always want

mom to "watch this".

He still cares what I think about his accomplishments

and failures.

He still looks for the smile on my face

and the shouts of "That was awesome"

when he does something great.

And you know what?

I didn't take my eyes off of him for a minute

during that whole raquetball game!